Life in the Slow Lane

Christmas Letter 2010

2010-12-27T07:22:00.000-08:00

I can say right at the start of this letter that in the past year we have not added any children (or pets) into our family, we live in the same house, drive the same cars, and Super B still works for the same company, albeit in slightly different position. We even took the same vacation (Disney) this year. The only P that has really changed much this year is Dalton (1). Last year at Christmas he was cute with lots of potential, but not doing much besides nursing, crying and looking sweet as he snoozed. While Dalton still loves a good meal, a good cry and a good snuggle, he is otherwise completely different. He runs all around the house trying to keep up with his siblings and is very busy as only a toddler can be. It makes me equal parts proud and sad that he is growing up so fast.

Our biggest highlight of the year is that in the Fall both Ashby and Reese chose to make professions of faith. I am sure you can imagine how cool it was to see my two oldest children baptized together. I think I missed most of the actual dunking due to the tears of joy and, quite frankly, perhaps a few tears of relief too given the crazy things my kids have done through the years. Baptism might not make them perfect, but at least they are forgiven! Luckily we got it on video so I have been able to watch with mostly dry eyes since then.

Otherwise the kiddos are energetic and my house is still always messy and loud. Reese (8) and Ashby (10) are both doing Scouts and choir and Reese is into soccer. His team, led by our very own Coach B, had a few wins in the spring and an actual winning season this fall. Ashby is a reading queen but has really gotten into cooking this year, a hobby I am definitely encouraging! Wes (4) goes to speech twice a week which we call “little school” and enjoys the pleasures of a more relaxed kind of life.

Super B is still at X. He worked crazy hours much of last year but recently moved to a new position that seems less time intensive. He has a fancy title, but I admit I have taken to telling people he runs the vending machines at his office. B would have me insert here that sadly he has never been allowed to remove a single quarter from the machines despite the fact he thinks that sounds fun. However, he does manage the contracts for food services among many other comptroller duties.

As for me, I continue to passionately love being a mom, attending births as a doula and occasional work at a local birth center. There I have added some clinical midwifery skills to my repertoire, which is a thrill for me. It took me well into adulthood, but I am completely thankful that God has brought me opportunities to find and follow my passions of being both in the home with my family and being a birth advocate for others.

We may be pretty boring, not changing much from year to year, but Christmas is a time to be different. Starting from the way Jesus was born (I am no stranger to out of hospital birth, but a stable is out of my league) to the way he died, it was all different than what one might expect. I don’t know what the next year holds. Perhaps next year we will be called to do something totally different, or perhaps the plan is to just continue getting up (way too early in my mind) each day to love and serve others. We are looking forward to finding out.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year y’all!

Go Cowboys?

2010-11-01T09:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Super B and I went on a date. Sadly this is very rare for us. One of B's suppliers gave us 2 box tickets for the Cowboy football game. It wasn't the best date in terms of quality time together as technically B was "working" and we didn't have real time to just chat. I actually originally turned down the chance to go because I didn't feel the hassle and expense of dealing with childcare was worth it, but eventually B wore me down and I am so glad he did. Not because I just love football mind you, but it was fun and different...and free food was involved. Plus my date was kinda cute.

So yeah, Cowboy's Stadium is crazy. Between the 100 yard long TV, the retractable ceiling, and an ad on anything that had a semi-flat surface, the stadium is one big testament to humanity's bent to excess. I am not slamming excess, the stadium provides gobs of jobs, it really is beautiful on the outside, and the mongo TV inside is just jaw dropping, but I still do have to say...it's football, just football (and I hear the occasional concert and monster truck rally). I know it is mega simplistic to say this, but if even a minuscule part of that effort was put into an orphanage, how cool would that be?

I don't want to down play that it was fun. I enjoyed the spectacle quite a bit. I ate and drank liberally from the buffet (we were in the Pepsi suite so B had to remind me not to ask for Co-cola which is my generic term for all soft drinks...). However, I will not be painting my face blue and silver anytime and worshipping at the feet of previously mentioned mongo TV screen. However, I was given a really nice Cowboy's t-shirt from the supplier who invited us and I am wearing that today. Hopefully that walks the line between excess, idol worship and having a good time.

By the way, the Cowboys lost. Big time.

Writer's Block

2010-11-01T08:40:00.000-07:00

I am a semi-insomniac. Don't get me wrong, I love to sleep, but I have some trouble falling asleep almost every night. Of course no problems with sleeping in the morning, I could sleep in every day if the reality of life allowed such luxury. However, I don't navigate the transition from wakefulness to oblivion quickly most of the time. I do many things in that hour(s) resting in my bed. Sometimes my time is spent poking Super B to stop him from taking up the whole bed but other times I find myself productive and I create much needed to do lists, I pray or I rearrange the house's furniture in my head. Recently I have found myself writing blog posts. Perhaps this is my brain's way of processing my life or perhaps it is just because I enjoy writing and have such little time to do so these days.

Considering starting a blog about doula and birth stuff specifically because I am would like to blog about my kids for my own enjoyment and memories and then write about birth because I just need to get the words out...would love to throw some faith stuff in the mix too. Oh course this is all fantasy at the moment, but sometimes I wonder if I could write more if I could sleep easier (or at least earlier...).

Catching Up On PIcs

2010-09-16T10:59:00.000-07:00

Sorry, crying (by D not me...) has interupted this post.

Cold Shower Anyone?

2010-09-16T10:26:00.000-07:00

Last week our hot water heater died. Luckily it didn't explode or even leak, it just stopped producing hot water. So we bought another one and amazingly the hot water heater guy came the next day to install our brand spanking new source of non-cold water. He installed it in less than an hour and zippee do dah, we were on our way to hot showers and clean dishes once again. But.....

You have to have the installation inspected by the city government to make it "official". The inspection is not so important that we couldn't use our newly heated water, you just have to have a certificate on file somewhere in the boughs of city hall to say that your hot water heater passes inspection. You call, you choose a day for them to come, they come and if all goes well then they file it for you. For those reading closely, I said you choose a *day*. Not a time frame of 2 hours, not a time from of 4 hours. No, you pick a day and they will come with no advanced notice sometime between 9 and 4 on your chosen day.

Today was our day. I don't do much on Thursdays which is why I picked today, but I do usually leave the house at some point each day, if nothing else to walk down to the kids' school to pick them up. We were lucky, the water heater inspector came just after noon freeing up the rest of my day. He could not have been nicer chatting it up with Wes, remarking on our floor plan and my cute baby. He looked at the water heater for maybe 5 seconds and left. Apparently our water heater was installed correctly. Not that we were worried mind you, we paid a contractor $1300 for the heater and installation and it came with a 10 year warranty. But thank you City Hall for looking out for me.

Did I mention that we also had to add $100 on to the cost of our water heater to pay for that 5 second inspection and the certificate that is now making its way into a file somewhere in our government's big file drawer? I hope that is one pretty certificate, perhaps suitable for framing. Thankfully I don't work, so I didn't have to take a day off for the privilege of the inspection but gosh, for those who work and may have to take a day off (possibly without pay) to sit and wait for the kind inspector man as well as pay for the inspection and the actual water heater and installation, a new water heater is a pretty expensive proposition!

Taking a cold shower could have a whole new meaning!

Yummy?

2010-08-12T09:35:00.000-07:00

Summer is just flying by. Actually I find summer to be a strange mix of being really busy and being really boring. Maybe I am the only one who feels that way, but we either have a lot going on (vacation!, company! VBS!) or a lot of hanging out in the house doing mundane stuff and trying to keep the kids from killing each other. Literally.

Yesterday I had to call poison control because Wes fed Dalton hand sanitizer. I don't usually keep hand sanitizer on hand (we like germs around here), but I found some small containers of sanitizer and thought I could drain them so that I could then fill them up with sunscreen to legally carry in our bags when we fly this weekend. So the sanitizer was draining into my sink when apparently Wes thought it would make a good snack for little D. Turns out you have to drink A LOT of sanitizer to really see any bad results but that was certainly some excitement I could have done without.

Hanging In the Wind

2010-07-18T08:36:00.000-07:00

Watching a few events going on in the periphery of my life has me thinking again about extended families... and how alone my family is. I have a friend whose daughter was in a near drowning accident and I have been following her blog. It is wonderful to read how the extended family rushed in and have moved heaven and earth to help with any and everything. Obviously it is a tragedy for all involved, but everyone is involved. I find myself weeping when I read the blog, not only for Claire but for the love the family has demonstrated to each other and quite pathetically on my part...how jealous I am of that support system.

Then last week the mayor of our town shot herself and her daughter. It is horrible, horrible, horrible. I don't think all the details are known and they will never be understood but basically the father/husband died of cancer two years ago, left them broke and grieving and mom decided to end her life and that of her only child...a 19 year old daughter. There was no other family involved...this mom and daughter went through everything alone and didn't come out the other side.

When I look at my life I have a lot more in common with the situation of having no support. My own mother died when I was a teen and so she will not be flying in to help. My dad remarried a wonderful lady, but she is completely caught up in her own issues to pay much attention to us, and for that matter she insists that my dad stay caught up in her issues too. In many ways I feel like I have lost my dad, and that is a huge loss because my dad is amazing. Thank goodness for my brother and SIL because they would pretty much be the only joining members of Team Pokluda if we needed recruits.

Then there's Super B's family...I believe it's probably best to not speak ill about one's inlaws, however I will just say his dad is in a nursing home and his mom hasn't come to see us in years, mostly because she won't bother to make the drive. Needless to say, they are not going to be coming to anyone's rescue when life makes a sharp turn.

I believe God will provide what we need when we need it, but at the same time, the whole thing with the mayor really has upset me. It seems so unnecessary...where was her family? Then I think, where would my family be? Probably not here. I can't imagine that I would ever, ever, ever shot my child and myself but I also can't imagine going through the grief of losing a spouse alone.

I am picking up valuable lessons in what to do when my kids are grown. These seem like no brainers, but my life experience tells me it must be easier said than done.
1: Never-ever-never put clean carpets before relationships.
2: My DIL/SILs may not like me, but I need to work to make those relationships happen. If bribery is what it takes, so be it.
3: I don't need to live next door (though sounds like a fantastic idea) but I do need to get involved in their lives. even if it is inconvenient and uncomfortable.

Good to be Me

2010-06-08T18:47:00.000-07:00

Today was good to be me, and I am going to brag about it, 'cause if you can't brag in your blog, where can you?

A few months ago I doula-ed for a sweet couple. The dad had cancer and was literally days away from having a bone marrow transplant when the couple delivered. He was dealing with the side effects of his chemo treatment and was generally not at the top of his game in terms of his ability to support his wife through birth. To top off the whole cancer thing, toward the end of the labor he got very sick and shortly after the birth (which was fantastic... great OB, great nurse, of course great doula...and most of all mom did an amazing job) he had emergency surgery to remove his appendix. Yowzers.

Anyway, what makes that a cool-to-be--me thing is that I got the sweetest mail today. It was a note in a pretty frame that reads:

Dear M,
Thank you for bringing comfort to me and peace to my husband during the birth of our son. My husband says that hiring you was the best decision we made for our labor. I especially appreciate your guidance throughout and your additional support afterwards, since my husband was unable to be with me. May the Lord bless you for your kindness towards us and continue to bless your ministry as a doula.

How cool is that? I have had a few tough births recently and have been feeling a bit guilty that I was away from my kids a bit more than I prefer (admittedly I prefer not to be away from them at all...). I am still planning to cut back, but receiving this note today really did remind me why I do it and to continue with my commitment to God to leave my doula gigs in his hands and allow him to use me in whatever way as he brings me expectant couples.

Why else is it cool to be me? I have been married to Super B for 14 years today. Yup, he has put up with me that long. We didn't do anything special for our day, we are often lame like that, but our kids were super cute. They made us a full dinner complete with napkins wrapped around our silverware, a table center piece, and name placards for the seating assignments at the "formal" room table. They also composed a special song and dance and gave us coupons to redeem for such things as "we will stop fighting with each other", "sleep in", "no chore day" etc. The dinner was good too, and they really did cook it all start to finish including some chocolate chip crepes for dessert. Oh, and we received a trophy (it looked suspiciously like a soccer trophy won by Reese...) for being the best parents. Not a bad anniversary at all!

LIfe in 200 words

2010-06-05T20:31:00.000-07:00

I think the last time I managed to get on this computer to type anything in my blog I was bragging about how Dalton was sleeping so well. Hmmm, that will show me not to brag. Shortly after that post we went through a grueling period of sleeplessness. It seems to have abated quite a bit, but out of fear of starting another season of extreme sleep deprivation, I will say no more about how much better he (we) are doing.

So beyond learning to live on coffee, it really has been a fun few months. Let me recap, not in any particular order (except the lice and head shaving incident, those were sequential).

I turned a year older
kids finished school
Super B finished school (CPA stuff)
Wes started going to speech therapy
big boys had lice (should I admit that on a public blog?)
big boys got heads shaved
I taught a bundle of childbirth classes and attended a bunch of births
D got 2 teeth the day he turned 6 months and 4 more the day he turned 9 months
Ashby had her ballet recital
Ashby read all the Bluebonnet books
Ashby got a perfect score on her TAKS test
Reese's soccer team won 2 games (1 better than last season!)
We all flew to Greenville to celebrate Easter
Dalton learned to sit up, crawl, go up stairs and eat anything and everything
Dalton started solids right after he turned 6 months starting with avocados
I bought 50 avocados at the store b/c they were on sale and Dalton likes them so much

So you can see we have been busy, if not productive.

Summer is now here, kids are out of school, and I am hoping not to melt as Texas summers are not my favorite experience. Lots of fun on tap though for upcoming weeks and I am looking forward to time with kiddos, family vacations as well as doing a lot of VBS hopping.

2010-03-07T08:10:00.000-08:00

This apparently is not a season in my life where I get much time to blog. But that is OK because my little guy is growing bigger every day and one day I will be able to blog all the time but I won't have sweet (and sometimes not so sweet...) little ones wanting me to play or hold them. I am not really looking forward to that day!

Dalton got two teeth this week and thanks to a week of mommy/baby sleep bootcamp he is taking regular naps and sleeping better at night. So thankful for that! We were all on the edge of insanity until this week. Nobody... mommies, daddies, babies or their siblings were meant to survive on no sleep. What did boot camp entail? Well, it didn't involve plain 'ole cry it out because I don't like that method...though everyone and their cat told me that is what I needed to do, but it did involve some crying. Instead of just letting him scream, we started a consistent wake time and bed time and the rest fell into place pretty easily. Honestly, it was so easy that I feel like an idiot for just figuring this out on baby #4. We need to have another baby just so I can enjoy a baby that sleeps normally from the get go. Seems instead we have always "disordered" them at about 4 months of age which I have learned is the age parent can start to have an impact, positive or negative, on real sleeping skills. (see Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child for more details.)

Oh, and if anyone notices the day and time that I am posting....yes it is Sunday, and yes I am home skipping church...because Dalton is napping. :) B and the rest of the crew are at church though.

Whole Food Republicans

2009-12-23T13:24:00.000-08:00

While catching up on my newspaper reading this morning, I read an editorial in the WSJ that used a new term, to me anyway, that I find appealing...a Whole Food Republican. I generally use the term crunchy conservative to describe my political/lifestyle views but I like this one a lot too even though I don't consider myself a Republican (more of a Libertarian really). However, this term is an ode to the fact that you can be a cloth diping, organic food eating, raw milk drinking, homebirthing, herb swallowing, alternative medicine using, extended breastfeeding, skipping vaxes kind of gal and still be a down with being a conservative and follower of Christ. I think most people equate shopping at Whole Foods, veggie co-ops, leading an environmentally responsible lifestyle, homebirth and herbs as things that line up with being a liberal politically speaking and perhaps leaning New Age religiously speaking. Tree hugging in general definitely seems to be the province of the Left. However, to me, conservatism and these choices go hand and hand. It is all about personal liberty. The less rules the government makes, the more each person can make choices that best suit their family. Big government gets in the way of that process more often than not.

I know others like me exist, I meet them on line all the time. I just don't see them very often in everyday life though and I never see them in the pews next to me at church. I see conservatives for sure, and I see those who are "crunchy" but rarely the combo of the two.(Don't get me wrong, there are lots of very nice folks in my life and church and being crunchy or conservative is NOT *the* thing that makes great friends or great people in general. In fact in the grand scheme of things it is a minor detail.) That being said, it was fantastic to see an article about people like me in the Wall Street Journal. I feel very cool and loved after getting some press!

Life Now

2009-11-23T09:49:00.000-08:00

Dalton will be 12 weeks tomorrow. 12 weeks! That is just craziness, it seems like I was just pregnant and rubbing my cute tummy. However it has been the quickest 12 weeks of my life. As I have had what I consider hard babies each previous time, I was expecting life to be really difficult after Dalton arrived. To the contrary, I have either gotten more laid back or he is a laid back guy himself because it has been great! He is so sweet and cute and precious and all those adjectives us moms use to describe our offspring. Best of all, he sleeps! Not all night every night, but for 6 plus hours straight each night. Not too shabby considering my others did not do that until, oh....maybe a year.

We did have a few moments of imperfection. Dalton lost a lot of weight his first weeks of life and I had trouble nursing him which led to even more weight loss. I am proud to say that after LOTS of work and stress on my part, nursing is now going great and he is a chunker, at least compared to those first scrawny days. And I did it all without anything but my mommy milk. He did get many a bottle but he never got any supplements. I do think some of those bottles represented equal parts milk to my tears. Nursing issues immediately post partum are so not fun and I definitely cried as we struggled.

Dalton went on his first plane trip when he was around 8 weeks when we flew home to SC to see my family and for him to meet his great grandmother. Travel is still pretty easy at that age because nursing takes care a multitude of baby woes. He nursed most of the plane ride and was also very accommodating during the visit. He did have some "loud" moments in the 2 hour car drive that was necessitated due to overbooked flights and us not being able to fly into the closest airport to our destination. Nana seemed to think he was pretty cute and everyone thinks he looks just like W.

I had my first after- having-my-baby doula client delivery two weeks ago and that went fantastically. Luckily for all of us it was quick and mom made it look easy (though I know she would most certainly say it was NOT easy!) It is great to be back in the delivery room but after my homebirth I really can't wait to start my midwifery training. It will be hard to put it off the 3 years or more that I want to wait for Dalton to get bigger....and of course I won't stop praying for another little blessing in the mean time (but don't tell Brian just how hard I am praying for that, hehe).

I know there is lots more I could say, but my blogging time is limited right now. Besides, I am pretty sure no one but me will have too much interest in my babbling on and on about my little guy, who by the way just woke up and needs some momma lovin'.

2009-10-02T13:17:00.000-07:00

Some random images from labor and birth:

Dalton's Birth Story

2009-09-28T16:57:00.000-07:00

This is the story of our 4th child and 3rd son. It was my longest pregnancy as well as my longest and hardest labor. It was also my first homebirth, and probably due to it being a homebirth, it was my most enjoyable birth and easiest recovery.

Sunday, August 30th During the afternoon, I started to feel what I thought were early labor contractions. They were not painful, just a whisper of the sensations I knew would come. All day they came but I kept this to myself and continued on with life. I went to bed early thinking that sleep might be elusive. Fortunately I did sleep for a few hours, unfortunately I woke up around midnight for a nightly potty run and I could not go back to sleep.

Monday, August 31st The contractions were no longer whispers, but the definite tightening that signals real business. Further more, with each one I needed to go the bathroom, so for several hours I played the back and forth game between the potty and the bed. Finally around 4am I fell into a weird twilight sleep where I dreamed odd dreams that incorporated the contractions in crazy ways and I knew that today was the day we would meet our little one. I was wrong.

Once the big kids were out the door to school I went for walk. It was slow going stopping for contractions every 6 minutes or so. However, it was a beautiful morning and walking around made me feel like I was doing my part to encourage baby’s exit. Though I did worry a little about freaking out the neighbors if they happened to glance outside while I was breathing through my contractions. I would like to say Wes and I did exciting things all day to pass the time, however we mostly just hung out cleaning the house, reading books, eating and talking on the phone to family and friends. Contractions were still coming every 6-10 mins with no pattern, though the intensity picked up through the morning and afternoon. I decided to get in the tub to see what happened, especially as I needed to do my pre-birth leg shaving anyway. I figured things might slow down or things would keep moving along. Of course since I was in the tub, Wes felt the need to join me. I can’t say that having a 3 year old ram toy boats into my thighs was really all that relaxing, but we both got clean, my legs got smooth and I established that my contractions were definitely not going away.

We walked down to pick the older kids up from school and once again walking felt productive. When we got home, I sat on my birthball for a while and had Ashby rub my back. I started to feel like contractions were getting closer together so I texted Donnellyn (my midwife). She thought I should time some to see how long they were lasting. Timing contractions is actually quite a challenge when one is alone in labor and can’t find one’s watch with a second hand, so I went to contractionmaster.com. According to the site my contractions were coming every 4-6 mins and lasting about a minute.

I have to admit; I was getting a little frustrated dealing with contractions and not having any one around to help the kids or me. I was also frustrated that my labor didn’t seem to be progressing as fast as I hoped. I was too uncomfortable to do much but not uncomfortable enough to be ready to push out a baby. Super B did come home around 6:30 and he watched me have about two contractions before he phoned Donnellyn and Charlotte (my doula) and told them it was time for everyone to come over. I was not sure it was really time, but B saw a panting wife and figured he needed to bring in the troops, if not for me then for him. Charlotte arrived first and we immediately went to walk. Donnellyn arrived about half hour later (8pm) and Lynsey (the photographer) a bit after that. After Donnellyn arrived she asked if she could check me, but honestly I was too worried to find out that I might be completely undilated to let her.

Maybe having B home and made me feel I could stop being mom and start being labor woman because contractions hit a regular pattern and intensity picked up. I was somewhat concerned that the baby was in an asynclitic position due to my labor’s slow start. We used some rotational positioning to see if that would encourage baby into a more ideal position if that was indeed an issue. The positioning slowed labor a bit, but eventually I made it through the whole rotation and it was obvious that afterwards my contractions were now stronger. Donnellyn again suggested doing a vaginal exam so that she would have a better idea about when to call the second midwife. I was still very apprehensive about having an exam for the same previous reason, but I did consent. I was thrilled to find out after a quick exam, that I was 100% effaced and 6cm. With this good news I had a sudden burst of energy and walked around the house with a big smile on my face. It was probably around 10pm at this point.

That happy energy didn’t last long because I quickly entered the fun of transition phase. At first I was doing great, breathing slowly to relax through contractions and laboring on the toilet, against the kitchen bar, and at the end of my bed. However, within a short period of time my labor seemed to overwhelm me. Sarah, the second midwife, arrived at some point and Donnellyn suggested it was time to get in the tub, which I happily did. Once in the tub I relaxed well in between contractions, but it was hard getting comfortable during contractions. I don’t know how long I was in the tub, but the water had gotten cold and I needed to go the bathroom, so I got out. I honestly don’t know why I never made it back in, but at that point I started to come a little unhinged. I was laboring holding on the footboard of my bed and leaning over into each contraction but I no longer had any control of my breathing. With each contraction it felt like the baby might be coming out of my thighs and hips there was so much pressure there. I also had the shakes and felt like vomiting with each contraction. During this time the baby’s heart tones were getting a bit high, so Donnellyn and Sarah had me gulp a bunch of my tea. They also thought I needed some quick energy so Donnellyn spoon-fed me some honey. Yuck! I normally like honey but that was not something I enjoyed at that particular moment. However, instantly the baby’s heart rate came down and I just kept drinking as much as I could to keep it that way. I don’t recall how or why the issue was brought up, but we had a brief discussion concerning breaking my water. I immediately said I was not interested since in doula work, artificially rupturing the membranes is often the start of things going down hill fast.

Tuesday, September 1st At one point when I was really at my emotional limit, I heard Sarah, who was sitting in front of me, start to pray and then behind me Charlotte started to pray too. I loved the prayers but I couldn’t help but think, “Oh my, I must be really bad off if they have just given up on anything helping except prayer.” Donnellyn was praying too, but she also started doing some fabulous hip squeezes. They really made a big difference. I kept thinking that I must be almost complete and hoped to feel an urge to push with each contraction, but alas contraction after contraction came and no pushing urge. It had been 3 hours since I had been found to be at 6cm. Now I asked Donnellyn if breaking my water would be helpful because I was DONE. I still was not quite ready to try this option, but I was ready to talk about it. Donnellyn definitely did not push me and I think since I was still reluctant she changed the subject. Sometime in this phase Donnellyn gave me the homeopathic Rescue Remedy. I was a skeptic, but that stuff really works. Of course contractions were just as painful, but I felt pure peace for the few moments in between. I know I was really loud during this time, moaning (or singing as someone kindly put it) during each contraction. It was about this time that I started to consider giving myself a c-section right there in my room. My level of pain level was higher than with my other natural births and knowing I was reaching my breaking point, I decided it was time to pop my bag and see what might happen.

At first, Donnellyn thought she would do an exam and hope my water broke during the exam. It didn’t, and she said I was only an 8 plus cm. She tried a little finger amnio breaker, which also failed to break my water. Finally she used the big ‘ole amnio hook and it STILL could not break my water. Lying on the bed having this done during major contractions was the exact opposite of fun. Sarah then took a turn with the amnio hook and she said I was now 9 or even 10 with just a lip. That was good news! Finally Sara managed to rupture my water. She just started reminding me that I might feel a change in the next few contractions but she didn’t even get to finish that thought. Suddenly the baby was in the birth canal and on my perineum. I must have made some guttural sound, because Brian, who was sleeping in the den, came running in. I knew the baby was seconds away from being born and I wanted two things…I told Brian to wake up the kids and for someone put me in the tub. I wanted my waterbirth! Donnellyn and Sarah basically ignored me because they were now busy catching a baby and I wasn’t going anywhere. If Brain had gone to get the kids, he would have missed the birth.

So, less than 30 seconds after my water was broken, Dalton made his appearance. It happened so fast that Donnellyn didn’t even have time to put on gloves. He had a nuchal cord that needed to be reduced but otherwise I received Dalton on my chest and that is where he happily hung out for a nice visit until the cord stopped pulsing and we were ready to move to the herbal bath. I don’t recall who announced the gender, but someone told me that I had new son. I don’t even think I looked to verify until later though. Dalton’s apgars were 9 and 9, and he nursed well as we lay in bed together getting to know each other.

Labor Prayer

2009-09-08T15:04:00.000-07:00

I sent this out at the start of my labor. (Yes, baby Dalton is here safe and sound). I have not finished typing up my birth story yet but I will have it done soon and I guess I can see how God answered my prayer. I can give you a hint, he DID NOT grant me the short and easy labor I had hoped for but I did indeed have a wonderful homebirth. And of course now that it is sucessfully over and I am holding my little one in my lap, the pain already seems like a distant memory. Though maybe not too distant...

My Labor Prayer
Lord, thank you for giving this new life to B and Me
As I work to bring this child into our arms I ask the following:
Let my labor be uncomplicated, and help to me to put my trust in your design of my body to deliver this baby.
Give discernment to those who are attending me.
Give me energy and peace. Give me comfort when it hurts.
Help me to allow your presence at the birth by reminding me that this process of labor is a form of prayer and worship and designed by you, it is not just pain with no purpose.
And since I am asking for things Lord, here are a few more bonus requests:
I ask for a short and easy labor.
I ask everyone will get here in time.
I pray that B will be at peace.
I ask that I won’t have any need to transfer and can have the homebirth I desire.
I ask that my older children will adjust and love their new sibling.
Most of all I ask that our baby will be healthy and that we are prepared to raise another child to grow to love You, no matter what happens at this child’s birth.
Amen.

Still Preggers

2009-08-30T14:21:00.000-07:00

So this week I will be 40 weeks pregnant. I cannot believe it. All other pregnancies of mine have ended in spontaneous labors around 38 weeks, so this is definitely the longest I have been pregnant. I honestly can't decide if I am happy or sad about this either. On the one hand, being pregnant is gobs easier than dealing with a newborn and generally speaking I like being pregnant. On the other hand, it would be nice to have labor under my belt and I admit that am not the most comfortable I have ever been in my own skin at the moment. Plus I wonder what on earth is the deal with this child being already so different than the others and what other different things do I have to look forward to???

I really want to savor each precious moment of the end of this pregnancy since barring a true miracle bolt of lightening from God, this is it. I will never feel the rumble and tumble of a baby in my belly again. I will never feel the tugging and tightening of a contraction and I won't ever rub the swell of my belly again. I mourn those sensations with a passion I am almost afraid to say out loud for fear of sounding plum crazy. The last week I have enjoyed lots of one on one time with Woo and just relaxed and enjoyed each second of life. I don't do this enough and I am so thankful I have had these "extra" weeks to be lazy and just be in the moment. I have been lazy, indulgent, hungry, napped, and read etc to my heart's desire. I have even tried to keep the house clean and enjoyed the calm a well managed nest brings.

But of course there is a but....But I am nervous about labor. Not scared and not worried about the baby or me. Just the pain. I know, I know, I am a doula and we are supposed to call it rushes and waves blah, blah, blah. Certainly I will use all those types of tools to work through the completely anticipated and purposeful pain of labor, and I do believe that they will work and I won't freak out. But I have all the what ifs in my head as well. What if baby is OP and it takes forever? Will I be OK with a hot compress for days at a time? What if I make a fool out of myself during transition? What if transition lasts forever??? I think some of this fear is based on having seen lots of births and knowing that birth doesn't always follow the route one expects it to take. Which is OK. Birth is normal and my body knows what to do because God designed it for this very task and God has chosen my baby's birth date. But still. So many buts.

So all those buts aside, here are the stats from my last midwife appointment:
weight gain: 27 pounds
tummy measuring- 38.5 weeks
BP- super low as usual
Baby is still ROA
hemoglobin on the low side so I got some bloodwork done Friday, no word back from Donnellyn yet though
Baby's HB- 136

Perhaps this will be my last post until labor (or after baby arrives depending on how things go down). Or maybe I will post again this week about pregnancy. I do love the whole "when is it going to happen" thing!

Summer is Over

2009-08-24T12:25:00.000-07:00

Summer is over. Of course Fall isn't here yet and it is still hot as blazes, but still, Summer is definitely over. Bean and Roo started school today which was a bit sad, but a bit happy. The passing of time marked by back to schools and other marker type days is sad, and the house sure seems mighty quiet (yet already much cleaner). However both kids were really excited about starting up again and seeing their excitement made me excited for them as well. I only pray that this year goes as well as the last year. Not that I wouldn't mind a good reason to homeschool if it came to that, but starting with a positive attitude is probably the way to go here!

And yes, I am still pregnant. I have to admit I am surprised about that, I really thought I would be lugging a baby up to the school today. But this looks like it will be my longest pregnancy yet. It has already surpassed both Woo's and Beans and in just a few days will be longer than Roo's. So much for going earlier with each child! If I have time I will probably post just about the pregnancy...right now that seems so separate from the rest of my life. (is denial a sign of impending labor???)

Since I have these bonus days with just me and Woo I plan to really enjoy this week and do some fun stuff with him. Some of that fun stuff will definitely include eating some yummy food together and taking naps together in the afternoons. I feel like a princess right about now! Or maybe just a pampered housewife. Either way, what a treat.

Just to share one lovely story from the weekend before the start of school, Roo had to get 6 staples in the back of head Friday night. Apparently my crazy boy child thought it would be fun to slide backwards down a banister at an outdoor concert we attended that night. With all that long hair of his, there was blood everywhere and we couldn't tell what was bleeding and how bad the injury actually was. After some deliberation (mostly me thinking we could handle things our self) Super B talked me into an Urgent Care Center run. I was defiantly wrong b/c they very quickly saw that he had a gaping wound in the back of head and then just as quickly stapled it back together. In fact they just stapled through his long hair and all. We hope Roo learned something about crazy playing, but honestly doubt this will be our last trip for stitches or staples.

Professional belly shots

2009-07-31T13:15:00.000-07:00

Here are my sneak peak belly shots:
http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=222371515653&h=lBEwi&u=J1Y22&ref=mf

Basically what that means is that there is more to come! I would love to post more, but I don't have the A/C on up here and I think I am about to have a heat stroke...

Now About the Belly

2009-07-12T13:49:00.001-07:00

I am still gestating so let me update that too. I am 32 ish weeks and very hot. Not HAWT, just hot, as in Texas in the summer and it is 400 degrees everyday kind of hot. Overall I still feel really great and this pregnancy is just flying by. I am trying to walk a mile each morning to help avoid any bad stuff and so far that seems to be working. Except for a few leg cramps here and there it has been very smooth sailing....and when I can remember to take those dang prenatal pills I don't even have to worry about the leg cramps. My midwife-recommended prenatals need to be taken SIX times a day though so remembering really is a bit of strain on my brain.

At my last prenatal I had gained 21 lbs, baby's heartbeat was in the 140's and 150's and I was measuring exactly on target. My blood pressure was almost non-existant. Now I just want to make sure I make it to 36 weeks so I can have the homebirth. I started gathering my supplies because I am just so dadgum excited about my labor! Seriously, most people seem to dread labor...I just can't wait.... most of the time anyway. Though I am not anxious for it to happen any time soon as I am still loving being preggo too much to actually "ruin" things by having a baby!

Belly shot is me at 30ish weeks.

Quick Catch Up

2009-07-12T13:20:00.001-07:00

Reese in the kayak at the rivah

Us at Mt. Everest at Animal Kingdom...I did NOT ride this ride.

random family pic while waiting for a bus. Super B said I was crushing him when the pic was made b/c I was so big. Whatever!

I guess June was a busy month since I only managed to post once. So let me recap! We went to Disney World for a week, hung out with friends while there. Flew to Atlanta for a week to see my cousin and enjoyed seeing the teen drama that seems to be a part of having a teen in the household and also had a surprise visit from my brother and his fam. We all went to VBS at our church where I learned not much about God but more about crocodiles than I ever wanted to know. The whole family flew out to Virginia and then drove to the Chesapeake Bay for a long weekend at my family's river house and had a blast boating, crabbing, and getting cancer, I mean a tan. In the process we got stuck in multiple airports, had a lot of really good food (not at the airports though), I taught several childbirth classes, I took a childbirth course myself, the nursery cleaning was started and lots of family fun was had all around. Whew. Then came the 4th of July activities which included mostly a lot of sweat but good times as well and the requisite backyard cookout.

I can't even begin to post pics of everything but a few are at the top.

27 Weeks and All is Well

2009-06-03T12:49:00.000-07:00

I had my 27 week midwife appointment a bit ago. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE homevisits??? It just doesn't get better than having Donnellyn come to my house and chat with me on the couch and let W "help" take my blood pressure and listen for the baby's heart beat. Today he wanted to play with the lube (the stuff they use for the doppler, not some sex thing) so she squeezed a little on his hand and let him go for it. He got to wipe my belly too. I am really looking forward to the summer because the big kids can be involved and I think that will be helpful in getting them excited about meeting their new sibling.

Well anyway, everything looks great. I measure right on track, have great BP and baby sounds good. Baby is also already head down and she taught me how to feel the little head and tushie for myself. I also think after talking to Donnellyn that have made some decisions about hiring my birth photographer. Now I just need to figure out about finding a doula. Those crazy doulas!

My stats now:
weight gain: (*gasp* more than I gained with the others total!!!) 20lbs
measuring 26 weeks
feel great
BP 90/60

I promise belly pics up in the next few days!

What Kind Of Crazy Mom Gives Birth at Home?

2009-05-29T10:06:00.000-07:00

Well me of course! I am very open about the fact that we are choosing to birth this baby at home and I have to admit, most people are very encouraging. Others are supportive, but ask why we would want to make this choice and express concern over my or the baby's safety. I really do appreciate that concern, heck I feel the same concern when I hear a friend is choosing various things at their birth. It is hard to not pass that concern along when we care about someone and no one means to be critical, myself included. As a doula and friend, I really want to support all women in having and making choices, but sometimes I admit, I just don't get why people choose what they choose. I expect that applies to people wondering about my choices as well, so I thought I would write a bit about why *I* am choosing to birth my baby at home.

At home, labor is allowed to progress normally and at its own pace without unnecessary intervention or time constraints. Homebirth careproviders and families see birth as a normal aspect of life, and not a sickness to be managed. Homebirth prevents the disruption of our household and our other children and it tends to make birth a family and spiritual affair rather than a medical event. At home, I can include whomever I desire for support and do not have to be cared for by strangers or walked in on by random hospital staff looking for other hospital staff. I can move as I desire, wear what I want, eat and drink what my body tells me to and trust God's design for my body.

But for all the wonderfulness of the previous paragraphs, I would not choose a homebirth if it was safer to be someplace else. Luckily, statistics constantly show that home is the safest place for normal healthy moms to have their babies (In my case, normal could be up for debate, but I am healthy!) . Midwives who provide home birth care have the lowest rates of interventions, including the lowest rate of cesarean surgery and episiotomy of any other care provider. (Fraser et al. 2000) In addition, mothers who give birth at home are less likely to suffer a birth related injury and are the least likely to have a post partum infection. Having had a birth injury myself during the birth of my first child, I don't consider that a small detail.

So what about the pain? Yes, it is true that I won't be able to choose an epidural at home unless I want to transfer. This is probably a good thing because I know ahead of time there will come a moment when I will consider an epidural a good idea. However, knowing that ahead of time, I can plan how I want to be supported during my labor and I will have access to anything and everything non-pharmaceuticaly related that I desire. I will have loving hands and loving hearts surrounding me, a warm tub, someone to bring me tea, rub my back and pray with me. One of the most spiritual experiences in all of life may be carrying and giving birth to a baby. How amazing to be a part of the Lord's ability to create...and how cool is it that he is sharing that ability with me! Growing and delivering a baby is amazing and a miracle - one I wish to experience completely and not one I want to numb or get through as quickly as possible.

I hope that helps explain our choice, and trust me, I am happy to listen to any of my friends, clients, family etc. explain why they are making the choices they make. Like I say on my doula publicity, informed choices make for amazing births. So the more women are talking...the better it is for everyone.

About That DC Trip

2009-05-27T10:28:00.001-07:00

I mentioned our trip to Washington DC in a previous post so I thought I would write a bit about it beyond W's potty exploits. I think Super B has downloaded our pics so I will try to post some of those as well.

Basically the trip was about walking, at least that is what my body was saying at the end of each night! We walked a lot. Our hotel was awesome with an incredible breakfast (made to order omlettes each morning... mmmmmmm) and while it wasn't too far from anything, it wasn't exactly close either. On the first day, we went to Capitol Hill and the Air and Space Museum. Both were great and the kids actually seemed to enjoy the Capitol building tour, though not as much as seeing the rockets. My beef (literally) with the A & S museum was that the yummy restaurant that used to be there has been sold out to MacDonald's. Blech. I had to eat my first fast food in ages and after walking 10 miles to get there a Happy Meal did not make me happy. However, that is just a pregnant hungry lady whining, the kids loved the treat and non of us starved for the rest of the day.

The next day we went Smithsonian hopping. Basically the Natural History Museum and the American History Museum. Super B and I could have stayed all day at the American History museum but it was crowded and the kids were a little museumed out at that point. Plus the hotel pool was beckoning them. Before succumbing to the call of the pool we hit the Washington Memorial and walked by the White House. That was the first time I had walked by the White House and not seen protesters. Kind of sad for me having done my share of protests while living in DC. I even prepared Bean for seeing some and she was excited. I guess everyone really does love Obama. (?)

Our last day was a trip to the zoo and lots of riding on the subway, W's fav activity of the trip. Pandas were cool, otherwise it was a zoo. Zoos are good but a zoo is a zoo so not really many details need to be relayed about this one. We took the subway into Maryland so the kids could add another state to their growing tally and then rode to the airport where we had just enough time to grab a bite and jump on our flight. It was a great weekend but I crashed hard that night!

Potty Talk

2009-05-27T10:25:00.000-07:00

My littlest guy is certainly cute, but a bit slow. He didn't roll over until he was 11 months, didn't walk until 17 months and is just starting to talk at age 3. Nothing wrong with him, just not the fastest little guy to catch on to things.

However, he just potty trained himself! I thought given his past record that there was a realistic chance that he would be in dipes until Kindergarten. But he started refusing to wear a diaper about a week ago and has been pottying without accident ever since. We even went to Washington DC this past weekend and he asked to use the potty at the Air and Space Museum, the Capitol building, the American History Museum, the Washington Memorial...well you get the picture. Pretty much everywhere. We didn't use a single diaper on the trip.

I am especially shocked given the fact that as of probably two weeks ago he had NEVER put his pee pee in the potty....amazing what they can do when they put their minds to it (and when they know it is really inconvenient time for mom and dad like a trip to Washington DC...)

Belly Shots!

2009-05-14T11:20:00.000-07:00

front view at 24 weeks

side view at 24 weeks

side at 20 weeks (and a nice view of my messy bathroom and the tub where I probably will give birth)

side at 16 weeks

Heartbreaking Doula Experience

2009-05-14T10:57:00.000-07:00

It has been a busy week of doulaing. but unfortunately not a great week of doulaing. Without going into too much detail (HIPPA and all that) I did a birth about a week ago that not only included a labor very far from what mom wanted but devastatingly worse than that, it resulted in a baby that I have been told will probably not survive.

Please note that I do not have any medical records from this birth and I am totally writing my thoughts, not factual questions as the medical aspects of all my clients' births are out of my scope of practice. However, I keep wondering if she had not been induced would the baby have lived? If the induction had been done closer to her due date would that have changed things? If the drug cytotec had not been used of if mom's water had not been artificially ruptured would that have made a difference? Or, am I as a doula who has read endless evidence to the fact that inductions bring often unnecessary risk into the birthing process, just biased and this baby was going to end up sick no matter what?

The thing that just makes me want to cry is that after the birth, which ultimately occurred via surgery, mom and baby were brought back to the room and the baby was cute and seemed just as healthy as could be. I helped mom learn to breastfeed then watched happily as the little baby drifted to sleep peacefully on her mom's breast and in her arms. Shortly after, baby still in mom's arms, the baby stopped breathing. As far as I know, those moments in her mom's arms were the only time this tiny, but much loved, human was nourished and cuddled by her mother. No one could have ever guessed that minutes later she would on a machine to keep her alive.

I did another birth, also an induction, a few days later and I will be going to another one any day now. I am sure over time I will be able to process what happened and use the experience to help me be a better doula in all situations. However, right now I just feel heartbreak for this family and I keep seeing the baby's little lips giving butterfly sucks on mom's nipple as she drifted to off to sleep.

Edited update: Baby L passed away about 10 days after her birth. I don't have the full info on why but my understanding is that baby acquired an infection around the time of birth. Since mom had a fever at the time she was admitted for the induction this may have created part of the problem. They may not ever have all the answers and knowing them would not change the sad outcome anyway.

Ain't Life Grand?

2009-04-24T12:21:00.000-07:00

Seriously, life is good this week. I better write about it now, because honestly it may not be good next week, that is just how it goes right?

The sun came out and it is shorts weather. I love walking around in flip flops and shorts or sundresses. I also love to sleep in shorts and now I can! Very simple things make me happy I guess. It was also my birthday this week and that was fun. I didn't do much but I walked around thinking, "I am 37 years old and I have a baby in my belly." I was one of those ladies that thought she would never have kids past the dangerous age of 35 and then when I got over that notion I just thought I would never get pregnant again. When I blew out the candles on my cake I didn't know what to wish for this time because I have wished for a baby since I can remember...and my wish is coming true. I wished for a great home birth instead!

Super B also got a good job offer. He was set to lose his current job at the end of the summer and while I knew it would all work out, it was a bit unsettling to think about a new baby, 3 other kiddos and an unemployed spouse, especially in this lousy economy. However, he worked hard and found a new job and I am so proud of him. I also am very pleased to not have to give up a few extras that I like during the pregnancy....including someone who helps me clean the house once in a while and pricier healthy foods that I could replace with other stuff but that I really enjoy eating.

I also had 5 doula interviews last week and 3 of those couples hired me. I am looking forward to each one of them, including one in August since it will be my last one until November or December. The coolest part about that couple is that she is delivering with the same OB and hospital I used when I had Bean. It took 8 plus years, but it is all coming full circle.

So happy days for now, hope I can ride this wave a while.

20/21 Weeks

2009-04-21T12:39:00.000-07:00

Since I seem to have time to blog today I guess I will write the latest details of my pregnancy.

First of all I feel fantastic! Once again all the happy hormones are rushing through my body and I feel like a million bucks. I am still in that weird time where I don't look pregnant but I don't fit into most of my clothes either. Super B would say I look like I need to do some sit ups. Maternity stuff is clownishly big on me so I can't say I look like a real fashion plate at the moment but I probably didn't look like one before pregnancy so I can live with that.

I had my 20 week sonogram a few days ago and I feel so blessed to say that the baby looked wonderful. No red flags for anything showed up and everything is where is should be so the home birth is definitely a go. Not bad for this advanced maternal aged mom! We did not officially find out the gender of this little one, though I really feel like I saw a penis floating by as the tech was measuring various things. However, I guess we will have to wait until August/September to find out how well I decipher what I see on sonos.

Other stats for 20/21 weeks:
weight gain: 9lbs
first charlie horse
feel baby move a lot
heart beat was in the 170s at my sono
baby weighed 11oz
haven't taken a belly shot in a while....

Why Can't I Be Rich???

2009-04-21T12:29:00.000-07:00

I discovered today what I would do it I were truly wealthy. Yes, I would give to the poor and yes, I would generally do good works to make the world a better place, but what I would also do with abandon is eat well. Really well...mushrooms that cost $20 well kind of well.

I went to Central Market today with my mom's group and we got a tour of the whole store. Those that know me know I love to eat and I really prefer healthy food and love veggies of all sorts. That place was heaven...and hell. I walked through the produce aisles and dreamed of stir fries and paellas, but there is no way my budget allows for eating the way my stomach leads me. And quite frankly, my kiddos are not going to start eating portabello burgers for dinner either even if I suddenly magically had the time to cook gourmet every night.

So instead, I will fantasize....if I had unlimited money I would eat fresh fish each night that was caught in Hawaii and shipped overnight to my local store. I would marinate in herbs I can't pronounce, use sea salt that is organic and hand harvested once a year on the full moon and eat fruits from Taiwan and New Zealand. Of course in my fantasy I would also have a cook or at least a sous chef to help me out too. It is a pretty good fantasy for someone who shops at Walmart most of the time.

She Chopped It Off

2009-03-19T14:10:00.001-07:00

Bean donated her hair to Locks Of Love yesterday. Thought I would post the pics here! (before, during, after)

16 weeks/Semi-midwife Appointment

2009-03-19T13:54:00.000-07:00

I had my first semi-midwife appointment yesterday. I say semi because I have not technically hired her yet, but I know I am and she went ahead and did all the regular prenatal appointment stuff after we finished our interview.

Can I just say, I LOVE having her come to my house. It is spring break and all the kiddos are home but I didn't have to worry about finding childcare. In fact, during the appointment a different kid was usually hanging out with us between running in and out of the house, and Bean got to help listen to the baby's heartbeat. It is also so much more....modest. She checked out my belly with me just sitting on the couch and unbuttoning my jeans a bit. No robes, no waiting in a cold room. no rushing. She actually stayed almost 2 hours. Furthermore, I just went into my potty, did my thing and dipped my own stick. I like that much better than having my little "sample" labeled and sitting around for all the world to see while waiting for a nurse to test it. Having someone unnecessarily touch my body fluids is slightly gross in my opinion.

So next week or the week after I will officially start my prenatal care with Donnellyn. There are so many great midwives in this area, it was a really hard choice. However, I think that she will be a good match for us, especially given some of the other circumstances going on in our life.

My basic pregnancy stats at 16 weeks:
weight-gained 2 lbs.
heart beat- 167
feeling no nausea, but still lots of aversions, belly pic taken and will be posted soon

Staging My Recovery

2009-03-04T12:19:00.000-08:00

I am definitely better, woo hoo! I don't feel like a million bucks yet, but maybe like $100. Trust me, I was in a deficit before so this is good.

Today I am starting to stage my "comeback". First business to attend... coloring my hair. Seriously, I am now 14 weeks pregnant and 10 plus weeks of unchecked gray growth had led to some serious hair issues. I deeply apologize for those of you that might read this and be against pregnant women using hair dye, or shocked at the fact I color at all. I may be of "advanced maternal age" but I see no reason why I should look it by sporting a full head of gray hair, pregnant or not.

Second goal, shave leg hair. Once again, 8 weeks of leg hair is not a look I want long term. (And no, there are no health risks that prevented shaving, I was just too sick to stand up long enough to shave all those weeks.) This task did not go as well. I got in the shower, washed out my hair dye then started to shave. However my hair is so nasty thick and long that my shaver immediately broke, and it was the last one I had at the house. I did use Super B's electric shaver once I got out and that bush whacked things a little, but there is still some improvement to be made.

So now me and my pretty hair and (semi) shaved legs are about to finish my last goal of the day which is starting to pick up my room. It is obscene in there, but I hope to make some progress in creating paths through the piles of junk.

Great Editorial

2009-02-27T11:18:00.000-08:00

Excerpt from an article in The Journal of Obstetric, Gynecological and Neo Natal Nursing, Published Jan.21, 2009 (bolding is mine, the stuff I really dig!)

...."I was born in the United States and I am very proud to be an American, but I am embarrassed that our country founded on the ideals of individual liberty and freedom, can also support "authoritative" initiatives such as these by the ACOG and AMA, initiatives that are founded on neither science nor an understanding of the physiologic and psychosocial needs of mothers and babies. What is most risky about home birth in the United States is that for most women who desire it there is a scarcity of qualified providers of home birth services. There is no system of care that provides the needed safety net if transfer to a different type of care is required during labor. Rather, women who desire to birth at home sometimes chose providers unwisely, and those who require transfer are often treated with disdain and disregard as though their decision to give birth outside the hospital system is irresponsible, reckless, and perhaps immoral. There is nothing more inhumane or uninformed than this attitude toward women who desire to birth at home and the qualified providers who are willing to attend them.

When will we remember that pregnancy, childbirth, and lactation are normal healthy physiological processes that are a continuum and do not require medical intervention unless there is a medical problem? A woman's body and the physiology of pregnancy, labor, birth, and lactation are designed to promote the well-being of the fetus and newborn. When will we establish optimal outcomes as the goal of health care during the childbearing cycle, rather than attempting to reduce by small increments the incidence of morbidity and mortality that is compounded by the very interventions we use to attempt to avoid such problems? We all know that in our current health care milieu for childbearing women, the protection of normal is not valued or supported, except in a very few locales. Those who support normalcy are usually swimming upstream against a system that treats every laboring woman as a surgical case. The idea that a normal spontaneous birth is by design the best outcome for a healthy woman and her infant is neither believed nor entertained as a basic concept. Most U.S.-trained physicians and sadly most U.S.-trained nurses have minimal experience with normal labor and birth. Without fetal monitors, intravenous lines, infusion pumps, epidurals, pitocin, endless charting, and rules theses individuals are helpless and unskilled to provide the kind of informed human support and wise guidance that a laboring woman needs while the normal process of labor and birth unfolds.

Why do 1% to 2% of U.S. women even want to birth at home? For most it is simply because they sincerely believe that the process is normal and healthy and does not require the environment of an "illness" system to support it. For these women, birth has a unique, earthy, and frequently spiritual component that they want to experience fully under their own terms. They want to actively labor and birth, rather than to have labor happen to them, give over control to a system and people with their own rules, and be delivered of their babies. Some desire home birth because of the subculture of their religious communities, while others are overtly afraid of what may happen to them in the hospital. They may be "on the edge" of the allopathic medical system and be very resistant to interventions that the system thinks are in their best interest. Does this make them wrong? No, it simply means that the system is not meeting their needs for holistic care that supports normalcy. ....

.... The primary danger is that the "system" does not support this choice. To pretend that a normal healthy woman cannot give birth safely without the trappings of a U.S. hospital is not only audacious but also uninformed. Perhaps it is time for a new woman's movement, one that embraces the normalcy of childbirth and puts mothers and babies back on the center stage rather than the system's need to defend the interventionist subculture it has developed and that it must financially support. This system has not improved outcomes for mothers or babies while the cost of care has continued to escalate keeping pace with unnecessary intervention. The recent initiatives of our medical colleagues, the "authorities," simply highlight the painful reality that the "Emperor has no clothes!"

I did it, I got out of bed!

2009-02-27T10:31:00.000-08:00

I just have to say, yesterday was one of those days that are a little crazy during the best of times, but seriously un-fun when, like me, you are not living in the best of times. But we are all here and in one piece so I guess the old adage that all's well that ends well still holds true.

Super B went out of town for business which left me the major obstacle of getting my kids to everywhere my kids needed to go, all while trying not to vomit in public. It just so happened that R had a soccer practice, and Bean had a soccer game. The lady who was assigned to bring me food for the day needed to reschedule and I needed to teach the second half of a long overdue childbirth class. (you know you can only put off those childbirth classes so long....) R also upped the ante by losing a tooth, so the tooth fairy also was called upon to make an appearance.

I can't say it was my most graceful day of parenting, but I am happy to say that everyone made it to where they needed to go, the class was taught (and I actually enjoyed myself teaching it), and I only misplaced Woo once at the soccer fields. I could not have done it if Super B had not gone by a local restaurant and bought 3 meals for me to eat during the day. Since I cannot do any cooking I was able to just eat out of my Styrofoam takeout boxes to avoid the extra ickiness that comes with an even slightly empty tummy. When he got back this afternoon, he stopped by from the airport and brought be another meal to help me last until tonight's meal arrives from a friend. What a sweet man....take-out is far better than flowers in my book!

So yay, I did it...but I hope before Super B's next trip I will be fully on the mend!

Attitude Adjustment

2009-02-22T08:49:00.000-08:00

I am giving myself an attitude adjustment, and goodness knows it is about time. This change is not just made possible by two consecutive days that have been vomit free, but also because I am sick of my own whining. As my family is all at church, I am also realizing I am not only missing life in general but the fellowship and worship that I need each week (each day really) to feel God's encouragement. This morning while laying around I have been listening to some great praise music and adjusting my attitude.

I AM PREGNANT, I AM NOT DYING. Life is very, very good. Ok, head on correctly again.

So, in these last few weeks of my personal isolation, things have been happening to others in my family. Today is W's third birthday. Hard to believe. What a blessing he has been to our family these last few years. At this stage he is so even tempered and happy. He loves everything and everyone and is just cute, cute, cute. His speech is coming along, though he certainly isn't breaking any records for speech acquisition. He says "love you too" all the time and comes up to hug me. He also started calling people (ok mainly his brother and sister) mean, when they don't cooperate with him, which is a lot of the time.

I admit I am not doing anything for his birthday today, not even a cake. But I won't whine about that, I will just plan to do it in a few weeks when I feel better. He and his three year old cohorts will not mind eating cake a few weeks after the real birthday. In fact, while Wes is a bit slow, I don't think any of his friends can actually distinguish between February and March.

One good day then BOOM

2009-02-20T08:23:00.000-08:00

So earlier this week I had a good day. I woke up not feeling an overwhelming urge to vomit, I pleasantly read the paper and then sat out in the sun for a bit. I even talked on the phone and told my friends I thought maybe I had turned the corner.

WRONG. The next two days have been some of the worst I have had and I feel I am back to total dehydration. Just call me raisin girl.

Can I also say that reading the Wall Street Journal each day is not adding to my overall state of mental health? While my life has been reduced to the walls of my bedroom, when I read the paper I am learning that apparently the world outside my four walls is falling apart, and quickly. Seems like life stinks for me and about everyone else in different ways. It is enough to make me dig deeper under my covers and plan to never come out, even if I should one day actually feel normal again. (which I am starting to believe will never happen anyway)

My Nausea Vacation

2009-02-18T08:45:00.001-08:00

I have been stubborn, I admit it. My plan is to give birth at home with a midwife. No interventions just me, my baby and my body doing what it is designed for. However, my "beautiful" plan did not include being too sick to interview and choose a midwife in the first trimester, nor did it include a fight with my insurance company. It also did not include a trip to an OB.

So here I am at around 12 weeks, puking my guts up and wishing I were dead, and my husband about to grant me that wish as he is fed up with me not seeing an OB, or midwife for that matter. And you know what he was right. I have always said I will choose to have my pregnancy and birth overseen by the careprovider that I feel can provide the best outcomes for me and the baby. That careprovider is generally speaking a midwife, however, right now I needed some extra help. Super B literally called my old OB and dragged me kicking and screaming into her office.

You would have thought my sweet OB was brandishing a shotgun as she approached me with that sono wand the way I was blubbering and carrying on. It just felt so wrong to be getting a sono, to be naked under a sheet at a place I had not planned on going to this time. Of course then she stuck that wand in and there was my gorgeous baby wiggling away. Tears of another sort started to flow. I can't believe it, I am really pregnant!!!! There is a baby in there! She said the amniotic fluid was OK, so while I need to keep trying to get fluids in, I can avoid a lovely stay at hotel Las Colinas hospital.

She did a short scan, with me trying to keep it shorter. She also did a nuchal thickness test without asking me. At first that made me angry, but it is hard to stay mad when she said it looked great. I would have never gotten that test on my own, I don't do any of the genetic tests with my pregnancies, but ummm, well it is nice to know that for the most part Down Syndrome is not an issue, especially since I am in the magic zone that OB's like to call Advanced Maternal Age (insert scary music). So much for informed consent though.

So onto, the real reason for posting, my nausea vacation. OB wrote me a script for some meds...and I took them. I slept for 12 hours (minus a few quick potty trips) without getting up to puke in the night. I cannot take this drug in the day, since it turns me into a zombie. However, I will be taking nausea vacations every night until I feel better. Do I feel guilty for this. Heck no. LOVE the nausea vacation. Can't wait until tonight when I can pop the next one in.

New goal, midwife hired by 16 weeks.

my really bad life

2009-02-15T09:03:00.000-08:00

So, I am pregnant. You would think I would be thrilled after all the whining I have done the past few years about wanting another baby. Alas, I am not thrilled...at least not now. Instead I am ill. Really ill. Since about 7 weeks pregnant I have been unable to eat or drink normally. I constantly feel I am on the verge of throwing up and about half the time I do. Throwing up brings no relief, just the general unpleasantness that throwing up brings. Food has become my arch enemy, nothing sounds or tastes good and I have to force myself to eat anything.

Drinking is even more antagonizing. Just typing the word water is making me dry heave as I type. My battle with drinking started with just the inability to look at, smell or be around water. I was able to drink grapefruit juice and lemonade though so I stayed hydrated. Those quickly become forbidden and then I tried Gatoraide as I had been able to drink that in previous pregnancies. Nope, one sip and my dream of drinking Gatoraide ended. OJ worked for a while but that too no longer stays down. The only thing I can drink now is mint herb tea and I see that relationship ending soon.

Honestly, I am thinking of going into the ER for fluids. My nose is bleeding constantly due to dryness, my lips are chapped and I can barely swallow b/c my mouth is so dry. Not to mention my blood pressure is obviously low since I can no longer stand without starting to faint. Needless to say, I have not left my bed in weeks except for a few brief outings.

So no, I am not at all pleased to be pregnant. My life is a living hell. I am 11 weeks and 3 days today. I hope I can hang on for a few more weeks....

2009-02-06T11:33:00.000-08:00

www.greatexpectationsdoulaservices.webs.com

Me on the News

2009-01-08T12:23:00.000-08:00

Don't know how long this will stay on line, but for now here is me on the news:

http://www.the33tv.com/pages/content_landing_page/?Facebook-VS-Breastfeeders=1&blockID=176557&feedID=460

and here is my facebook profile pic I used:

Lovin' the Advent Conspiracy

2008-12-02T11:39:00.000-08:00

http://www.adventconspiracy.org/ - Watch this video, it is awesome!

I love the advent conspiracy theme, it encompasses overall what I believe about life. Frugal isn't just about getting a deal, it is about using less and being there more. Consumerism, even when done with super sales and triple coupons, is still consumerism and it doesn't bring happiness.

Our church is pushing this theme this year and I am so thankful for that. The funny thing is that we are supposed to spend less on Christmas and then give half of what we don't spend to a charity of our choice. However, Super B and I already don't spend much on Christmas and there just isn't anything to cut back on in terms of presents etc. So for us the challenge will be to give away more this Christmas in terms of actual cold hard cash. I admit that while I am pretty good about curbing desires to spend money, I don't have a natural propensity to give money away either. As some Christians might phrase it, I don't have the gift of giving. So deciding how and what extra to give this year may be interesting. Of course I would love to give by taking on more pro-bono doula or childbirth class clients and perhaps that will happen. I guess we will bump along until Christmas and see what happens. In the mean time I am loving the Advent Conspiracy!

Spot/article about doulas on Today show

2008-11-20T12:10:00.000-08:00

http://today.%20msnbc.msn.%20com/id/27808452/

Great article, less great TV spot, feel free to read my comment below as to why....

I find it funny that one of the OB's main comments focused on liability. "If something goes wrong, who is liable?" (meaning between the doula, parents or doctor) Liability is definitely an issue at the heart of so many of the problems in maternity care and certainly at the top of most OBs minds. Giving voice to that thought on TV when there are so many other thoughts that could have been expressed really shows just how high up in their thoughts it is. OBs don't want to juggle another liability (and I don't blame them) and since the informational support component that doulas provide can help parents to ask more questions and use their right to informed consent, it can make liability protection seem harder for OBs.

Personally, I didn't think the spot was horrible, just a bit biased to the idea that patients should just "trust their doctor and nurse" rather than becoming informed and advocating for their birth and baby's health. Ideally we could all trust all careproviders, but it is naive to think that they don't have motives that may not match our own. Any doula worth her massage oil should be able to navigate facilitating discussions between care providers and expecting couples so that everyone is heard and options are discussed in a manner that keeps the birth environment calm and positive. The doula should do everything possible to keep her short term relationship with the nurses and OBs harmonious. When everyone is doing their job well, it is not even an issue and a doula and careprovider will mutually benefit one another. We are not natural adversaries, but have actually been hired by the same people as a part of a team.

The newscast also brought up repeatedly how dangerous labor can become at any second which is a message we could use a bit less of I think. I wish the stats that show less c-sections, less interventions and higher satisfaction with birth experiences should definitely have been brought up.

Get Something Done

2008-11-10T14:04:00.000-08:00

Another MOPS article. This week the topic is "Get Something Done". I wrote about babywearing as a practical way to cook, run errands etc. basically as a way to get something done. Here is what I wrote:

We all love to snuggle our little ones, but let’s face it, adults sometimes need to get something done! Lots of devices exist to entertain your child, but sometimes it seems all that makes your little one happy is more of you. Using a baby carrier, or babywearing, is the perfect way to both get something done and to let your child have more of you. Research has shown the benefits of babywearing to include:

Babies cry less. Carried babies cry 43% less overall and 54% less during the evening hours.

Good for baby's mental development. Babies spend more time in a "quiet, alert state" when carried - the ideal state for learning. When carried, a baby sees the world from where you do and the extra stimulation benefits brain development.

Good for baby's emotional development. Babies are quickly able to develop security and trust when they are carried and may become independent earlier.

Moms (and dads) report these practical benefits to babywearing:

Do housework, run errands or cook dinner all while keeping your child happy

Breastfeed hands-free while on the phone or shopping

No need to lug around a heavy car seat or stroller

Most baby carriers fit in your diaper bag so are easy to transport

Saves $ and the environment because less baby products are needed

These days there are so many cute baby carriers that a sling or wrap is not only very practical, but it can also make a hip fashion statement. Babywearing is not just for babies either; I still wear my 30lb toddler!
For resources on buying or using baby carriers:peppermint.com or thebabywearer.com

Me, a hypocrite?

2008-10-29T20:10:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been reading a lot of the Cochrane reports on all types of medically related stuff. These reports represent the most unbiased, comprehensive analysis of evidenced based medicine that exists. Not just birth related stuff, all sorts of health issues. The Cochrane Institute is a great resource.

But reading these reports has me thinking. I often gripe (mostly to Super B) about how I wish OBs would practice evidenced based medicine and I get frusterated when I see them recommending things that are proven to pose risk to moms and babies with little to no advantage to be gained.

However, in the normal birth camp, we often talk about recommending chiros, accupuncture to induce labor, evening primrose oil to prep the cervix, rasberry leaf tea for uterine toning, even moxbustion to turn a breech baby. According to the Cochrane Reports most of these practices are about as evidenced based as constant fetal monitoring, which means, not at all. Now some of that doesn't shock me, I never have been able to fully swallow that burning an herb on your big toe (mox) causes baby to flip. To be fair though, constant fetal monitoring carries a fair degree of risk to mom and baby whereas a little tea never hurt anyone. But still, neither appear to be evidenced based.

So I am a hypocrite, right? I get miffed that OBs routinely recommend stuff that is clearly not evidence based, yet I have chiros and places to buy herbs listed in my doula notebook. In some ways I wonder if we are not both doing some of the same thing - which is basically working from the worldview we know and in which we are most comfortable. I honestly find myself pretty comfortable sitting between a healthy skepticism and openess to each group, but looking at it from the perspective of differing, rather than competing, worldviews makes me more comfortable walking a mile in the shoes of someone else's thinking.

MOPs article-natural ways to deal with being sick

2008-10-10T08:20:00.000-07:00

(I am writing little articles for my MOPs newsletters, so I thought I would just cut and paste these articles into my blog as I have the time. This is a copy of the third one I have written and it is about natural ways to deal with common illness. Please know that these are very short descriptions, I only have an allowance of about 300 words! This article is written to go along with the speaker, a local ped, talk entitled "The Five Most Common Questions A Pediatrician is Asked".)

Tired of eating an apple a day? Here are some ideas for natural remedies to common health issues. You might find you can avoid a few trips to the pediatrician and most are cheaper than a co-pay. (Everything I list can be bought at Walmart.)

1.Warm olive oil and mix with raw, crushed garlic. Pour a small amount into sore or infected ear. Garlic is antibacterial and the warm oil soothes the ear pain.

2.A washcloth soaked in lavender oil and water can be placed on a tummy or head to help relieve pain. Lavender oil is calming, so it can be helpful in soothing a child who needs to stay calm for further treatment, ie a splinter removal.

3.Peppermint oil can be smelled to relieve nausea.

4.Fill a clean sock half way with rice and knot the top. Heat in the microwave and use sock as a heating pad for boo boos, cramps and earaches. No outlet necessary.

5.Netti pot- Relieves allergies and sinus issues without medication.

6.Boil a few tablespoons of grated ginger and let steep for an hour. Add honey or sweetener of your choice, and drink as tea to help with nausea. Doing the same with fresh parsley helps bring down swelling and high blood pressure.

7.An effective heartburn remedy is drinking an ounce of Apple Cider Vinegar. This does not taste good, so take it like a shot.

8.Apply duct tape over an unwanted wart. Leave on continually, replacing the tape as needed. The wart usually disappears in a week or two.

9.Arnica and tea tree oil can both be used topically instead of antibacterial cream. Arnica not only fights infection, it takes the pain out of a cut, and reduces swelling and bruising.

A tale of two births

2008-10-02T11:47:00.000-07:00

I have attended two births this week and I don't think I could have gone to two births that differed so radically from each other. In fact, they were so different, it is almost hard to beleive that the two events were a demonstration of the same biological process.

A few days ago I attended a beautiful homebirth that happened very quickly. Baby was born into his fathers arms after only a few hours of labor. Mom labored in a birth tub under dim lightening. She drank a rasberry smoothie and was offered other snacks. Don't get me wrong, it was a beautiful birth, but mom wasn't just sitting there having a day at the local spa. She contracted hard and moaned and all the other things laboring moms tend to do as baby is coming down. The midwife there listened to the baby's heart beat a few times, did some perenium support and made some"you go girl" comments, but otherwise her main duty during this birth was to hold the flashlight so the dad could catch the baby underwater. (And please know I am not minimizing a homebirth midwife's role at a birth. The midwife is the guard that watches for issues and knows both how to prevent and take care of them should they arise so that the role of flashlight bearer is even a possibility.)

Yesterday I attended another birth. After 24 hours of hard labor, mom delivered her baby into the arms of a surgeon she had never met before under the harsh lights of a surgical suite. In the prior 24 hours she had 9 different wires going into or out of her. She was stuck10 times with needles, denied food and even water despite having lips that were cracking from dryness. Various strangers walked into the room without knocking. She was touched and examined by countless and mostly nameless staff. She was made to lay completely still on her back even though she asked to sit up and to walk so that baby could use gravity to help bring him down. Eventually she was told her food and gravity deprived body was not capable of birthing the baby, and that the baby was in trouble. Then she was left alone (well with just me anyway) for over two hours waiting to have the baby that was in such immediate distress "saved" by surgery.

I admit I do like homebirths and I think the statistics are clear that homebirth is far safer for most women and their babies, but I am not saying one was good b/c it was at home or that one was bad because it was at the hospital. I have been to rather unpleasant homebirths as well. I am also not saying that all the interventions in the second birth were unnecessary, because I simply don't know. I tend to think most were and the ones that weren't necessary probably created the need for the other ones but regardless, the outcome could have been the same. Actually. I don't know if I am really saying anything at all, except that I have gotten 3 hours of sleep in the last 50 plus hours and feeling down after a lousy birth.

The fact of the matter is that the second birth discribes how most births occur in this country. Maybe not with the major abdominal surgery at the end (though with a 30-50% c-section rate at most area hospitals, that is the way it will be soon enough), but with the wires and nameless strangers in and out while mom is confined to the bed. I can't help but believe though if you put the right ingredients together, you can tip the odds in favor of things being different....better. I thnk the right ingredients start with empathy, willingness to respect mom as an individual and most of all a basic trust that God's design is a good one that man shouldn't mess with until a good reason comes along.

2008-09-19T13:35:00.000-07:00

I just looked out the window and my daughter is sitting in our backyard's Texas style tree (meaning small) having a snack and reading a book. Life is funny. That is exactly what I used to do when I was a young girl, the only difference is that the trees I climbed back home were larger and thus I probably scared my parents more when I climbed up them, especially with a book in hand. Bean is only a few feet off the ground, so a fall would not even scratch her, let alone require a bandaid.

I still like to read outside, so I guess not much changes and all that reading and sitting in trees must have been passed down in the genes!

Slings rule... Sarah Palin revisited

2008-09-03T12:05:00.000-07:00

On the other hand, you gotta love a mom who wears her baby. What can I say, I am a women conflicted.

Sarah Palin

2008-09-03T06:14:00.000-07:00

While I love a good political conversation, I just don't even know where to start when considering Sarah Palin. My first thought was that she was a good pick, merely because she is a woman and I generally cheer for the home team. Then more logical thinking kicked in and I became aware that she has a 4 month old. Let me repeat that....a 4 month old! I have had three 4 month olds in my tenure as a mom, and not once would I have been capable of being a Governor, never mind VP of the United States. Maybe this says more about my incompetencies as a mom than anything about Sarah Palin, but I doubt it.

I am definitely a Christian, and perhaps I agree with Sarah Palin on many policy issues; though perhaps not since I don't usually fall neatly into typical right wing conservative Christian ideology. I honestly don't know what Sarah Palin and I agree on because I stopped wanting to vote for her when I heard she had a 4 month old.

By all appearances McCain has made a wise political move. Unfortunately, his new political pawn represents a worldview that I can't buy into. In an effort to win a pro-family political debate and to shore McCain up as a supporter of a pro-family agenda, we sacrifice Sarah Palin's family and perhaps set a bad precedent for future parents. The message being sent to females by conservative Christians backing McCain/Palin is, “It’s ok to sacrifice your family on the altar of your high powered career; just don’t have an abortion.” (quote from Voddie Baucham) How pro-family is that? McCain has proven with his VP pick only that he is pro-victory, not pro-family. In fact, I contend that Sarah Palin is an anti-family pick and I don't want my daughter (or son!) emulating her.

Kindergarten woes

2008-08-25T07:42:00.000-07:00

Summer is over. I just dropped the kids off at school which means today is Roo's first day of kindergarten.

I wish my gut was not screaming at me, but this just feels so wrong. I feel in every bone of my body that Roo should not be there. I do think Bean will have another great year and everything feels mostly right about her not staying home with me. As much as I also want to homeschool her, I don't have that same urgency prompting me to keep her close at the moment.

I am trying to celebrate the small good things that come out of being a mom with just one kid around. My house will stay cleaner, I can have one on one time with Boo, learn to make homemade bread and step up the quality of other homemade goods, do more with my doula business, and generally bless my home a bit more.

Oh yeah, and I guess I can start writing in my blog again!

High School Musical on Review

2008-06-22T19:27:00.000-07:00

This weekend my daughter and I are visiting my grandmother who lives in Virginia. Basically since she is 90 years old we have just decided that the best way to get in a good visit is to bring one kiddo at a time and try to just have a low key weekend. So in that vein, Nana thought it would be fun to rent a movie and eat ice cream. Now, we don't really watch TV and Bean has certainly not watched a lot of movies, but she did think she might want to see High School Muscial 2.

With mixed emotions and trepidation I allowed her to rent the movie, this probably occuring not out of the generosity of my heart but b/c everything else that looked remotely watchable seemed to have already been checked out.

First of all, I have to join every pubescent girl in saying, well, that Zac Efron is a mighty attractive fellow. Second of all, I now have several High School musical tunes seriously stuck in my head, and I do feel a bit like dancing. Pretty catchy stuff really. But I still have mixed feelings on the approprietness of a 7 year old watching the film.

Starting with the good stuff, beyond Efron's blue eyes of course:
*no bad language, one use of the word stupid though which is considered off limits at our house
*pretty good morals taught, ie be true to your friends, be kind to others, keep your word
*teens are seen as going to their parents for advice
*while the clothes worn are not as modest as I would prefer, the girls for the most part are not dressed like hoochie mamas
*three super short kisses and no sexual allusions in the slightest
*fun dancing without sexualization

The bad stuff:
*romance theme is not necessary for 7 year olds (actually I should write this about 50 times b/c it is my biggy, why would a 1st grader need to be watching anything about high schoolers and romance?)
*overally made up females dressed in a very trendy way which I don't want wish my daughter to asprire to
*my own slightly bizarre distrust of anything too mainstream (if I had a smiley icon I would enter it here as I am making fun of myself)

It seems as I type this out that I should probably not add letting my daugher watch High School Musical to my bad parenting list. We ate some ice cream, hung out with Nana, and will probably be singing together the next few days. Thankfully it is just me at the moment that has a small crush on Efron, but all the same, I will not be rushing out to get High School Musical 3 should that movie get made.

Me, the farmer

2008-05-23T14:22:00.000-07:00

Here are some pics of me making my new organic garden and what the final garden looks like. I have no idea if it will actually produce anything, but I am quite proud of myself for being able to make it! My smallest child has already picked a lot of the basil but I hoping it is hardy enough to survive a toddler.

Boys rock!

2008-05-22T18:03:00.000-07:00

I don't give parenting advice, those of you who know me and my children can probably understand why!

However, if I were to give parenting advice, here is my best gem for parents of boys:

NEVER take parenting advice from someone who doesn't have boys.

Stand there and listen and smile politely, but in your mind picture yourself holding your fingers in your ears and repeating "I can't hear you, I can't hear you."

Then go give your boy(s) a big 'ole mama hug. Boys are messy and boys like to pretend to shot things and sometimes they use tools when and where they shouldn't (at least one of mine does!). But they are some kind of cute and some kind of sweet and it is OK that they don't always act like girls. Boys rock!

Feeling nostalgic

2008-05-09T06:02:00.000-07:00

I saw another child born into the world this week. Each time is so amazing. I came home that night and lay in bed and snuggled with my now rather big Roo and soaked up his still sweet smelling 5 year old scent. How blessed I am to be a part of these little peoples' life. From the newest baby held in my arms, to the big kid taking up most of my bed, it is such an awesome priviledge.

Yarnharlot on children

2008-04-27T12:45:00.000-07:00

I did not write this commentary, though I agree whole heartedly. This note appeared at the Yarnharlots's blog (which I had never heard of before!) and was forwarded to me by a friend. I liked what Yarnharlot, whomever she may be, wrote so much I am going to quote her here:

Yarnharlot said:

I believe that children are people. I believe that as people, they have a right to be anywhere that people have a right to be. I also believe that some babies/children/mothers are inseparable and that that is how it should be for them. We've got the only culture on earth - or in the history of humans that actually segregates adults and children, and it's really hard on those of us who have little children who feel in their bones that they should be with their mothers. These mothers then have to choose between meeting the needs of their kids, or missing everything for years and years, and I think that really sucks, and discourages mothers from doing what is right for their particular little one. If a kid isn't ready to be without their mother (or the other way around) and there is an ever increasing list of places that babies/toddlers/children aren't welcome...then what's a woman to do....curtail every aspect of her life for years?

That said, I also think that children disrupting something is pretty sucky too. I've been at movies or plays or something like that where a child wasn't happy and nine times out of ten, the mum high-tailed it out or went to the back as soon as she realized that her kid wasn't into the scene. The tenth time, maybe she didn't, but I still cut her some slack because I understand that it might be the only time she's left the house in two weeks, and leaving the house is really hard, and maybe the only thing standing between her and taking up chewing on sticks from the park as a hobby, and because maybe the first step toward decent child care, maternity leave and ethical treatment of parents and families is actually accepting THAT CHILDREN EXIST and are so far, the only way we have found (despite them being loud, dirty and occasionally too damp for my personal taste) to continue the species.

Saying babies/toddlers/children are welcome as they need to be, however, does mean that every once in a while there is going to be a happy kid who makes too much noise or a mum who fails to recognize that her child is being disruptive (seriously, it's like becoming snow-blind. Mothers can't always see it - I assure you that getting 3 hours of broken sleep a night can mess with your judgement.) or there might even be an unhappy kid who was predicted to do well and doesn't, and instead uses the time to finely hone their impression of demon spawn, and those kids are going to be a pain in the arse....Just like some other people we are all going to meet in our day (I am keeping a list) that are a pain in the arse that we don't have the right to get rid of either. I know these occasionally loud kids are going to get on your nerves, and sometimes mine too, but I'm begging, on behalf of mothers everywhere, to approach these baby/toddler friendly events with a little tolerance and gentleness for these inexperienced little people and those who are trying to both have a life, and keep the peace.

The Crazy Family

2008-04-25T12:06:00.000-07:00

We are officially the "crazy" family at our daughter's elementary school. I am sure this won't surprise that many of you, but I guess we didn't stand out there until recently. Or maybe we did and I just didn't realize it until now.

So every year the school, like schools acorss America, has a field day where the kids get to play all kinds of fun games outside. I loved field day as a child and I love watching my daughter do field day now. This is no knock on field day. At Bean's school everyone also orders t-shirts to commemorate the event in colors that correspond with each child's grade. Everyone wears them on the day and the school looks like a floating sea of purple, red, green etc. as each grade moves from event to event.

Last year I did not order Bean one. We did not need a t-shirt, I thought it was a bit of a waste and threw the form in the recyling bin. No one from the school said anything but on the day of the event Bean was given one b/c apparently not having a t-shirt is not OK. This year I did not order one either. But this year I got a very kind email from the room mom expressing how concerned she was that Bean might be the only one in the school without a t-shirt. At this point I asked Bean if she wanted a t-shirt. I would hate to give my daughter a complex she will have to pay to see a therapist for when she is an adult. Bean did not want a t-shirt, and making me proud, she said she would just recylcle last year's shirt insteading of wasting the earth's resources.

Another email was exchanged once again encouraging the purchase of a t-shirt. At some point in the various email exchanges I am told the color is purple. Upon learning the shirt was purple I knew Bean would want it. Purple is her absolutely, positively, most favorite color in the whole, wide world. So more email was exchanged insuring we could still order the shirt at this late date. I left the final choice up to Bean though; I sent her to school this morning with the money and told her to do what she thought best. I still don't know if we will be receiving the shirt or not. Though I expect more email if we are not.

So how did this perfectly cute field day t-shirt turn me into the crazy mom?? Why am I am the only one thinking that the school has 400 kids, so 400 t-shirts, every year? How much oil is used to grow that cotton, manufacter those t-shirts, and transport them to suburbia? How many soldiers died in Iraq for that oil so my kid can look perfectly coordinated on field day? And don't even get me started on the child slave labor in some country like Honduras where the shirts were probably made anyway. The ironic thing is that the kids just did a 6 week segment on the rain forest and how it is important to save the earth. I guess not important enough to just reuse your field day t-shirt from last year.

Yes, we are the crazy family.

If you gotta clean, clean it right.

2008-04-23T20:08:00.000-07:00

List of natural cleaning supplies and mixes that I often use. I did not write all of this but wanted to compile a list so I can do an article on natural cleaning for my MOPs presentations next year.

Basic supplies, many you probably already have in the pantry are:
Baking Soda
Baking soda is made from soda ash and is slightly alkaline (its pH is around 8.1; 7 is neutral). It neutralizes acid-based odors in water and adsorbs odors from the air. Baking soda can be used as a gentle, nonabrasive cleanser for kitchen countertops, sinks, bathtubs, ovens, and fiberglass.
Washing Soda
Similar to baking soda, washing soda (sodium carbonate) is much more strongly alkaline, with a pH around 11. It releases no harmful fumes and is far safer than a commercial solvent formula. Washing soda cuts grease, cleans petroleum oil, removes wax or lipstick, and neutralizes odors in the same way as baking soda. Washing soda is found at some supermarkets in the laundry section. (only Kroger carries it around here)
Vinegar
Vinegar kills bacteria, mold, and germs. It is the opposite of baking and washing soda; it is acidic and therefore neutralizes alkaline or caustic substances. A straight 5 percent solution of vinegar kills 99 percent of bacteria, 82 percent of mold, and 80 percent of germs (viruses).
Soap vs Detergent
Both soaps and detergents are washing compounds that mix with grease and water. Soaps are made of materials found in nature, detergents are synthetic. There is little doubt that soap is better for your health and the environment than detergents. Detergents are very toxic to fish and wildlife. However, washing with soap has a big drawback, in that it reacts with the minerals in water and leaves an insoluble film (ie soap scum). Detergents react less to minerals in water and thus are the product of choice for laundry. You can ensure the least possible damage to the environment by selecting the most biodegradable products. Or you can make you own laundry soap with washing soda.
Mold killers and Tea Tree Oil
There are 3 natural ingredients that kill mold: tea tree oil (can be bought at Walmart), grapefruit seed extract, and vinegar. Vinegar is by far the cheapest. Tea tree oil is more expensive, but it is a broad-spectrum fungicide and kills all the mold families it contacts. Grapefruit seed extract cost more, but has no smell, unlike TTO which has a strong scent.

Now what you can do with these supplies:
Creamy Soft Scrubber
½ cup baking soda
liquid detergent
Pour the baking soda into a bowl and add enough liquid detergent to give the mixture the texture of frosting. Scoop it onto a sponge to wash surfaces. This is the perfect recipe for cleaning the bathtub.
Window Cleaner
1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon liquid detergent
3 tablespoons vinegar
2 cups water
Put all the ingredients in a spray bottle, shake it, and use as you would a commercial brand.
Oven Cleaner
1 cup or more baking soda
water
squirt or two of liquid detergent
Sprinkle water generously over the bottom of the oven, then cover the grime with enough baking soda that the surface is totally white. Sprinkle more water over the top. Let the mixture set overnight. You can easily wipe up the grease the next morning because the grime will have loosened.
All-Purpose Spray Cleaner
1/2 teaspoon washing soda
dab of liquid soap
2 cups hot tap water
Combine the ingredients in a spray bottle and shake until the washing soda has dissolved. Apply and wipe off with a sponge or rag.
Furniture Polish
1/2 teaspoon oil, such as olive
1/4 cup vinegar or fresh lemon juice
Mix the ingredients in a glass jar. Dab a soft rag into the solution and wipe wood surfaces. Cover the glass jar and store indefinitely.
Add water to make this a wood floor cleaner.
Vinegar Deodorizer
Keep clean spray bottles filled with straight 5 percent vinegar in your kitchen near your cutting board and in your bathroom, and use for general cleaning.
Mold Killers #1
2 teaspoons tea tree oil
2 cups water
Combine tea tree oil and water in a spray bottle, shake to blend, and use to clean. Do not rinse. Leave in the bottle-it has a long shelf life.
Mold Killer 2:
citrus Seed Extract, 20 drops
2 cups water
Combine the citrus seed extract and water in a spray bottle, shake to blend, and use to clean. Do not rinse. This also has a long shelf life.
Mold Killer 3:
Straight vinegar reportedly kills 82 percent of mold. Pour some white distilled vinegar into a spray bottle and apply to moldy areas. Let set without rinsing, if you can put up with the smell, which will subside in a few hours.

Indescribable, Uncontainable - Amazing doula moment

2008-04-20T18:16:00.000-07:00

I have had so many amazing experiences these last few months as I have started attending births and providing doula services. One moment in particular I get to enjoy reliving because the moment was wrapped up in a beautiful song that I hear on the radio from time to time.

At this birth mom was absolutly amazing and attending to her was an honor and a pleasure. This special moment took place close to the end of labor as mom was dealing with the most intense physical strain and drawing deep from within just trusting God and his design of her body to get the job done. She was able to ask for a certain song to be played. The room was quiet except for this music, and our whispered words of encouragement and prayer. As mom swayed through a contraction the room was filled with an incredible peace as these words played: (hum it with me if you know it!)

Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God.

All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God.

For me, it seemed time stood still as the words covered the moment. As this mother was on the verge of bringing her son into the world, it was so apparent that God certainly is indescribale, uncontainable and all powerful. When I hear this song now, I am immediatly brought back to that moment and humbled once again by how amazing God is and by how incredible it is that we get to share in the process of creating and bringing forth new life. Wow.

The trouble with Christianity

2008-04-20T16:33:00.000-07:00

The trouble with Christianity is all us Christians. Thank goodness it is not about us and it is about Him. Man oh man, I love God, but a lot of his followers are going to send me round the bend.

I wonder if anyone else every feels this way? When I look at my life, pretty much every major hurtful word or action was spoken to me by a fellow Christian. This is applies to the past and present issues. Of course that only means that I am probably the burr in someone else's saddle, hurting them without intending to by my sheer blindness or selfishness.

Though sometimes "fellowshipping" feels a bit like middle school.

You Get What You Need?

2008-04-09T12:29:00.000-07:00

In the last few weeks I have really been pondering the idea of God meeting our needs. Is it true or does it just make us feel better to think so?

Now don't get me wrong, I beleive God will give us what we need...basically salvation. But apart from that I have decided that no, he won't, at least not all the time. Maybe even not most of the time.

I don't normally think all that negatively, so why are these thoughts even floating around my head? I have recently heard fellow Christians make the comment "I guess God just thought we needed that" or "God knew we needed such and such even when we didn't". I think right now it just sounds so hollow to me.

I remember that for every person Jesus healed, there were thousands of people that were not. If those that were healed walked around the unhealed stating that God knew what they needed and that is why they were healed, how would that make the unhealed feel? Does God not know what they need too? Christians starve everyday, Christians are tortured everyday. Clearly God doesn't meet our physical needs. Yet Christians I meet routinely proclaim stories that God met their needs by providing a friend, a good parking spot or a good deal a garage sale, etc.

I will make this more personal because I think that is the only way to tie this all together. I had a miscarriage over spring break and those of you who have read this blog or know me, know I very much want another child. Just last week another Chrisitan, whom is really a lovely person, spent a great deal of time telling me how God gave her a surprise child because God must have known she needed it. Honestly, her testimony did not help me see the glory of God, it made me feel ignored by God. I have longed for another child for years but if her logic is correct God must know I don't need another child. ( Which perhaps may be be true given my parenting skills with the ones I have, but I guess that is another story!)

I prefer to think God is just as sad as I am about the miscarriage and my inablility to have another child. I prefer not to think God doesn't care about my needs. I prefer not to be told that God cared about someone else and not me and my baby.

So maybe that is what this boils down to. I am the unhealed walking around with the healed. I am the sick leper back at the camp while the healed lepers are walking and leaping and praising God. It doesn't feel great to be the unhealed listening to the healed.

Yeah for the Zoops

2008-03-03T09:01:00.000-08:00

I don't generally find Hathors Cow Godess stuff all that amusing (and many of you who I know read this blog may not know who Hathor is ) but this Dr. Suess style cartoon is a great little satirical sketch that I do like. I had not seen it in a while and was reminded of it the other day.

I am sure once you see the video ( it is 5 mins maybe?) you will know what she is getting at! Plus anyone who knows me at all knows that this theme is one of my areas of high opinionation!

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=LU3nYxuppVU

Yeah for the Zoops! I wish we would follow their example at the end.

The Poison Plastic

2008-02-18T12:24:00.000-08:00

I have in recent months been trying to rid our house of plastics. An absolutely impossible task to be sure, but a little at a time I am making headway. My biggest sucess has been getting most of our bulk cooking items into glass and what plastic we do have has a recycling number of 1, 2, 4, and 5. Basically not 3, 6 or 7. Those are the really icky ones.

Why am I doing this? Well, plastics can be bad, some of it really bad. It has been linked with genetic defects and cancer. I don't want my food sitting in plastic that may be contaminating our bodies. I don't want my kids sucking on toys that have mercury, dioxins, and phthalates etc. in them if I can avoid it.

Of course I do have kiddos, so getting rid of all plastics is NEVER going to happen. But I am also trying to avoid toys, such as those made in China, that might have painted/dyed with leaded paint. I am not going for perfection, just improvement!

I saw this cartoon online which is funny and talks a lot about how bad vinyl is for our bodies. I even showed it to the kiddos and we all went downstairs together to remove the shower curtain. Not sure how the mold thing will work out with that, but I will find something else I am sure!

http://www.besafenet.com/pvc/samsuds/index.htm

Plus the website that cartoon is on has a lot of other info on vinyl. Check it out.

BOBB

2008-01-24T12:20:00.000-08:00

I promise this blog is not going to become all about doulas, but I am excited to be volunteering soon at the screeing of this film about birth.

Don’t miss the DFW Area screening of The Business of Being Born!
Saturday, February 9, 2008, 10:30 a.m.
Providence Church, Frisco, Texas
Tickets: $5 at the door; $4 in advance through eventbrite:
businessofbeingborn dfw.blogspot. combusinessofbeingborn dfw.eventbrite. com

Pushed

2008-01-16T12:04:00.000-08:00

This in an excerpt from a book review I wrote for my doula certification course. The book is called Pushed and written by Jennifer Block.

So all you pregnant ladies, put down What to Expect When You Are Expecting and pick up Pushed. It will tell you much more acuratly what you should expect when you walk into a hospital to deliver your baby!

Pushed, Jennifer Block, 2007

This book is phenomenal on many different levels. It is packed with concrete statistical analysis of modern childbirth practices, a critical eye toward the ever increasing number of births via c-section, a close look at what constitutes, and doesn’t, evidence based care in obstetrics and a historical context to understand why and when vaginal birth became the over managed and over controlled process it is today. Block concludes her in depth analysis with several chapters focusing on various effects the change from expectant management of childbirth to active management have had on our culture, women and overall how these changes should have an influence in the ongoing fight for reproductive rights in this country.

The last four chapters are full of case studies and the author actually shadows an illegal midwife. This section of the book was for me literally impossible to put down. The stories Block shares are engaging, heartbreaking and inspirational all at the same time. No matter where one stands on the issue of other reproductive rights (i.e. abortion), the tie in Block makes to the current treatment of women by healthcare providers, hospitals and insurance companies to reproductive and womens rights in general is compelling and effective.

There is not much that I didn’t like about this book. There are a great deal of statistics in the first section of the book and stopping to comprehend each new statistic makes for a cumbersome read. However, I felt most every statistic and study she included were appropriate. Block also uses lots of names and refers back to these same people later in a chapter or even later in the book. At times trying to figure out who the person was that she was referring to could be difficult since the original mention of the name was several pages prior in that chapter.

I think the most significant thing I learned from this book is the completeness of evidence-based data that exists and confirms that the active management of labor is flawed. Sadly the other significant fact I learned is that nobody seems to care and nobody shares this evidence with women, including doctors, hospitals or even women’s rights groups. She uses the National Organization of Women as an example of a group that has an official platform concerning women’s rights during childbirth that includes the availability of legal midwifes and VBACs, but that NOW does not promote this agenda because it puts them in conflict with the powerful lobbies of pharmaceutical companies and ACOG (American Council of Obstetrics and Gynecologists). She also discusses how ACOG has been more interested in maintaining status quo rather than examining and adopting evidence based practices. This preservation of active management of labor is due to misinformation, the ease of OB’s work schedules when c-sections and inductions are common, and the perceived liability risks.

What Block does say is that at the grass root level this issue is bubbling. She uses the examples of Mothering.com, ICAN and other groups that are supporting women and connecting expectant mothers with healthcare, legal or not, that will fight one baby at a time to change the way we think of birth. She also is realistic in showing that putting women in a position without choices when it comes to their medical care creates situations where women do not seek any kind of care at all or are left driving hours during labor to a midwife in another state. While this situation is usually safe, it is still an irony that women now sometimes have to choose between unacceptable medical care and non at all. Block does a good job describing the rising numbers of unassisted births that are happening in the country due to restrictive VBAC laws and the narrowing definition of normal vaginal birth.

This book also puts what happens in actively managed births into a historical perspective. For those of us drawn to the natural birth process it can be hard to understand why something like an episiotomy or continual fetal monitoring is common practice. Pushed helps to explain that most of these practices were not originally designed to be used in the form they are used in today and how it is that they came to be used as they are currently. The book also goes into detail about the pressures that face doctors and hospitals in terms of technology and liability. Knowing this reality makes me more likely to understand and emphasize with an OB or hospital that uses these procedures despite the evidence against them..

Furthermore, the book is inspirational in showing that helping women in childbirth does matter in both a personal and a cultural way. I anticipate that being a doula can get frustrating sometimes, especially when working in hospitals and watching clients deal with interventions and pressure for these interventions. Remembering the stories in this book will provide encouragement.

Great quote

2008-01-03T11:20:00.000-08:00

Love this quote I read in someone's online siggie. So true!

"The Bible calls debt a curse, and children a blessing. In our society, we apply for a curse and reject blessings. What is wrong with this picture?"--- Doug Phillips, Vision Forum Ministries

Ba humbug

2007-11-25T10:19:00.000-08:00

I got my first Christmas letter today and soon I will be receiving several every day. So in order to prepare for the Christmas letter season I have classified the four most annoying types of letters we seem to receive.

1. Braggy- if the words car, soccer goal, promotion, advanced level, or bright are mentioned in the letter, chances are it is a braggy letter
2. Schmaltzy- if the "non-writing" spouse adds a paragraph to the letter about how wonderful the "writing" spouse is then I call that schmaltzy. Typically when I read these I just want to respond, "get a room".
3. Cutsey- "written" by the dog or the toddler. As a caveat to the cutsey letters, some really are cute, others really are not. It is a fine line.
4. TMI- more than one page? Way too much information.

Don't get me wrong, I really do like to get these letters. But I do sometimes wonder at why people include what they include. Some of the kindest and humble people write very unkind and unhumble letters. And then mail these letters of not-much holiday cheer off sealed with a stamp of baby Jesus.

Annoying line in my letter today:
"We are so proud of our daughter, her teacher says she is performing on an advanced level in every area at school."

So, with this sentence I am left wondering a few things. Would this child's parents not be proud if she was performing, *gasp*, averagely? And what exactly is above average for a first grader and why is it important that all her parent's friends and family know this information? Should we too be proud, amazed or maybe jealous?

And this particular family is Christian, so of course there is the requisite line about God being good to them during the year. But once again I am left wondering was God good to them because their daughter is doing well in school and her husband got a raise? Seems a bit sad to imply that God wasn't good to those who have just average children and still make the same amount of money as last year.

So yes, I do have a love/hate relationship with Christmas letters. Except my own of course.

5 Good Ideas

2007-11-11T11:03:00.000-08:00

Just putting this here, I read it someplace and thought I might like a copy to hold myself accountable. So far we are doing pretty well. Of course, it is pretty easy to work up a sweat here in Texas (see #1). It is currently in the mid-eighties here in November!

The research is telling us that if we want to improve attitudes, mental and physical health and academic performance, we as parents need to promote the following 5 things:

• Children need to play outside for at least an hour after the school day. They should be at the point where they are almost sweating.

• Dinner with your family every night or at least 4 times a week. This is shown to decrease eating disorders in females, decrease smoking and drug abuse rates in males and recent research suggests it teaches life-long good eating habits—more fruits and vegetables.

• Early to bed. Research suggests that children need 10-12 hours of sleep a day to be ready to learn.

• Limited television, video games and computer time, especially an hour before bed time.

• Reading time every evening. This is a great time for the whole family to sit and read together.

Early bird catches the worm

2007-11-10T07:47:00.000-08:00

Is it true that one day the kids will be teenagers who don't want to get out of bed??? 'Cause I just can't picture that now.

Everyone was up and on our bed asking for books at 6:15 this morning. It is now only 9am and I feel like it should be at least lunch time, maybe dinner time!

Chemicals 'R Us

2007-10-29T09:54:00.000-07:00

So with all the news stories recently about chemicals in everything from shampoo to kids clothing I thought I would list a few of the things we do to cut down on our chemical exposure.

I am NOT a scientist. I do not think I could explain exactly what these chemicals are doing to our bodies. However, I am of the general idea that if God didn't make it (and even sometimes when he does!) we probably should have less of it around us, not more. Besides some things God makes he did not intend for us to ingest.

So here a few of the easy things we do. Some even save us some money.

* Breastfeed, duh. Formula is one big chemical.

* Use homemade cleaners. Basically a little tea tree oil, water and/or vinager can clean anything. Seriously. I have a spray bottle of that mix in each bathroom and the kitchen. Baking soda is good for things that need scrubbing. Those are the only cleaners I use. I also wash my hair and the kiddos hair with baking soda.

* Cloth dipes and wipes. This is a big money saver and fun once you get into it. I just have little flannel clothes to use as wipes, and I have a sprayer to wet each one when I change a dipe. Keeps chemicals off my little man's sensitive areas.

* Less meat, more veggies. Organic is better, though I still have trouble paying the extra. Take time to plan healthy menus that use whole foods. Eating perfect is not my goal, but eating stuff that I can prounounce what is in the ingredient list is.

* Reduce plastic use. This is one that I need improvement on since I am still addicted to my tupperware and despite my war against plasitc toys they still are abundant in our playroom. And not sure how to get rid of sippies. I consider them a necessary evil if I don't want spilled drinks. But plasitic in the microwave is bad.

* My kids don't generally sleep in PJs. I am not advocating naked sleeping for the under 4 feet set, but flame retardant on PJs is nasty stuff. It can be avoided by sweatpants and t-shirts. And if on Christmas grandma sends cute PJs as a tradition, I honestly think that one night a year won't hurt them. Especially if they have been retardant free all year.

Beleive me, I could do a list of all the stuff I do that is still bad. Here are a few off the top of my head.

*I eat margerine, a total fake food. I melt it in the microwave (double whammy) and put it on air popped popcorn. Love it.

*I use makeup with all kinds of chemicals in it. One day I will try the mineral stuff, but not there yet.

* I enable my husband to serve my children nasty 99 cent Totinos pizza on the nights I am gone by buying them and keeping them in my freezer. I am most embarrassed by this one b/c I have to look at those things everytime I open my freezer. Yup, they sit there right next to the frozen veggies, homemade apple butter, and flax muffins.

To buy a child's affections

2007-10-22T12:23:00.000-07:00

Super B took our daughter camping this weekend on a father/daughter trip, leaving me and boys to fend for ourselves. Which we of course managed quite nicely.

Friday night we went to the ice cream shop for dinner then we came home and had popcorn for dessert. Definitly not our normal menu, though we got blueberry ice cream so I am counting it as a fruit. The next morning I pushed together all the furniture in our den and made the world's largest tent fort. We spent most of the day playing and reading in there. Oh, and keeping the little guy from trying to crawl on the blanket roof. He just didn't get that it would not hold him up!

We did lunch at the pizza buffet in town and then hosted our babysitting co-op Saturday night. After the co-op kids left, my 4YO son and I snuggled in the fort and he fell asleep in there. He begged me to sleep in there with him but I guess there are some limits on my love. I was just not up for an all-nighter on the hardwood floor of my den with my legs poking out from under the sofa.

However, after all that revelry and buying my child's affection with unhealthy food, I think I have regained favorite parent status with my 4YO son. He is such a daddy's little guy, I have to take every chance I can to get his lovin'.

Our hot date

2007-09-30T13:01:00.000-07:00

Last night Super B and I finally had a date night. So what did we do? Did we go to a nice restaurant with fancy table cloths and candlelight? Did I slip into something slinky and let my hubby take me dancing?

Naw. We went to a cheap Mexican joint and then to a natrual grocery store that I had been wanting to check out but hadn't since it is out of my little sphere of activity. Seriously I could have bought out the store. So much that I have been making myself I could be buying there (veggie broth comes to mind!). Too bad it is not closer because unless I have a reason to be in that area, I will never drive there just to shop. But I did get a few bulk items that I can't get at Walmart, some flax and nutritional yeast as well as some bulk whole wheat pancake mix and sea salt.

What I really wanted to buy though was all the snack food. Dried snap peas, wasabi, pumpkin seeds. Oh, and chocolate covered malt balls in bulk. Key word bulk! Not sure how those are natural, but I am willing to suspend common sense on that one.

So I guess we are just old geezers these days. I don't even know if I own a slinky dress anymore!

To conceive or not to conceive?

2007-09-17T12:55:00.000-07:00

Super B and I have recently been having lot of talks regarding the possibility of adding another child to our family via birth or adoption. I consider myself a quiverfull wannbe, B less so. We have always grappled with issues of fertility a lot more than other couples since we both have fertility obstacles. For us, it it has never been a matter of sitting back and assuming God will bless us; conception must be more intentional on our part and therefore a matter of frequent prayer as to the hows, whys, whens and ifs.

This weekend my heart was really full of things to talk to God about in the area of babies and birthing. I consider myself QF in the sense that I am open to life and would rather not prevent pregnancy but allow God to bless us with another child if it is his Will. But to be honest that may have less to do with my faith in God than it does my personal desire for a large family and the blessings that come with it. Perhaps if I had a house full of kids and my womb was full more often or more easily, I would think differently. Hard to say since that is not my walk.

After much prayer over the weekend I feel God gave me some insights. I do not claim they are universal or even applicable to any one but me and my family, but I thought I would share.

First I looked at the role of family in the OT and NT.It seems clear that the Israelites and those living under the old covenant certainly were commanded to be fruitful and multiply. During that time God established the family to be his primary institution and the means for building and protecting his people. Quiverfull definitely was expected as a part of that.

In the NT however, Jesus replaces the primacy of the institution of family with the Church, ie. the Body of Christ. Not that he makes family unimportant by any stretch, but that it is beneath the relationship of individuals and the Church with God. Verse after verse show this secondary nature of family. There is the verse where Jesus talks about brothers being torn apart due to following him. In another story someone in the crowd says to Mary, the mother of Christ, that she is blessed to have born and nursed Jesus. Jesus replies that if she doesn't beleive than she may as well have been cursed. This shows another difference from the OT. Jesus explicitly is stating here that Mary's biological connection means nothing to the Kingdom which is in sharp contrast to the OT which stresses genealogy and ancestry,especially through the female's bloodline. Jesus also makes some other comments about serving the poor rather than unbelieving brothers. Basically, Jesus seems to be saying that doing Christ's work is more important than family.

I can't help but think then that some Christians, including married ones, are then called to do his work in ways other than raising children, thus NFP, or other non-chemical birth control, would be permissible. Christ even says such in the beginning of his ministry when he states that it is better to be a eunuch (castrated male thus childless) who follows Christ, than anyone else that doesn't follow Christ. What I don't see him saying is that Christian couples should prevent pregnancy b/c more children might interfer with the lifestyle we desire, our acumulation of wealth, or that each child should be born into a home big enough so everyone gets there own bedroom and college tuition account.

I don't really think that answers one way or the other about individual families having children or how many, but I think it does mean that having children is secondary to a Christian's duty to serve the Church. It also means that our material concerns should be secondary to having children and raising them for the Lord. A Christian doing his duty will definitely mean something different for everyone since our spiritual gifts lie in different areas. But I would think that if the amount of kids you have, or if any special needs a child may have or incur, interfere with using your gifts to serve the Body of Christ, then it would be perfectly Godly to not have more children until such a time when an additional child would not keep you from serving as God calls.

However, I think I do believe that in the absence of such an interference to God's calling, a couple should remain open to life. (an example might be if a couple cannot feed their children and tithe then perhaps they should wait until they can fufill their duty of tithing to have more children) The NT certainly does not negate all the positive language found in the OT concerning the importance of children nor does it change the truth that children are a blessing from the Lord. God may call a couple to a quiverfull/large family lifestyle as their way to serve, however I now can't see QF itself as a universal thing for every Christian couple. It will not be everyone's spiritual gift.

So as I do think that Christians should be open to life unless being called to do other ministry that would preclude more children, I guess what Super B and I have to do is figure out if we are being called somewhere that precludes adding a child to our family. I am not entirely convinced that we really have a handle on where we are being called so mayby that is why this issue really stumps us.

And as for the pregnacy vs. adoption thing, still no clue. I guess I need a few more weekends of praying to get that one all sorted out! And who knows, maybe in the mean time God will surprise is with a little something...

Been a while...

2007-09-15T19:39:00.000-07:00

It is has been quite a while since I last wrote. In that time we have gone to a funeral, gone to Disney World, returned that horrible rental car, and started school. I guess we have all started school really. B is back in school to get his CPA, for what reason we are not sure, but he feels led in that direction. I am teaching preschool again, and of course the kiddos started their respective educational endeavors. I hasten to add that some of the kids' endeavors may be more educational than others...

I also feel rather busy for someone who claims to seek "Life in the Slow Lane" as a motto. The older kids are doing both Choir and Awannas. Then Bean is doing soccer and Girl Scouts. I should say all three kids are doing Girl Scouts since I am the leader, Bean is the Scout and the two boys are the mascots. They do everything with the troop so really that is a family affair as well. Then my mommy thing this year is MOPS. I am a table leader and that is just pure cotton candy. I love the meetings, I love being a table leader and meeting new people. I love the food at the meetings. Ok, I admit I love MOPS because I love the food.

I am hoping that once all the organizational meetings end, life will seem slower. It is my goal to have our afternoons/weekends be family time and to not sign up for too many activies that divide brothers from sister and mom/dad from the kiddos. Though with Dad bringing home the bacon and I can't really expect him to be home in the afternoons with us too!

I don't want to do the whole taking your child to a million activities all week. Seems like time that would often be better spent doing stuff with the kiddos, rather than paying someone else to entertain them. Not to mention a poor use of gas. :) I think that is one of the things I like about the Awannas program. Yes, the kiddos leave our orbit for a while, but then we get to work on our verse all week. So it actually adds family time into our week rather than just stealing from it.

That is also why I stopped blogging for a bit. I needed to spend less time on the computer for a bit to start the year out on the right foot. So, hopefully now I can finally write my commentary on cupholders and a few new subjects that I have been bantering about in my head!

Ground Control, can you hear me?

2007-08-07T19:20:00.000-07:00

Part I

Let me preface this post my saying that I am not a fan of SUVs, especially for people that don't need them because of the horrible gas milage and because they are so big that short folk like me can't see as well when driving because they block my view.

One of my biggest pet peeves is a large SUV or truck with a yellow "Support Our Troops" ribbon style bumpersticker. What an oxymoron. If generic-you were not buying some big 'ole gas guzzler then the troops would not have to be over there. Support them by buying a more practical car and reducing our dependence on oil, not with a cutsie ribbon.

So part II...

I was in a car accident last week that necesitates having my car in the shop for a few weeks. The lady who hit me has very good insurance and I am being treated quite well. They asked what type of rental car would suit my needs to which I replied that my only need was that the car can fit 4 car seats.

So today I went and picked up my rental...a full size war tank, I mean an Expedition.

My official stance is obviously boo hiss on the humungo vehicle. I don't want to pay for the gas and it will ruin my environmentally friendly rep if I am caught driving it. :) I am not into cars and just want the cheapest thing that gets me where I am going so this souped up, jacked up monstrosity of a car that won't even fit in my garage is really NOT me. And yes, the short person thing again, it is just plain difficult to get into when one is only 5 ft 2 inches.

But....the unofficial stance is that I feel like an astronaut when I drive it! Which is pretty darn cool.

So here's to car wrecks that don't hurt anyone, and are not my fault so that I can drive a mile in someone else's shoes for a change!

Regular Day

2007-07-24T10:44:00.000-07:00

My MOPs retreat was really great, but man, I am OLD! I stayed up chatting until about 3AM and seriously I have been dying the last few days b/c I am still tired. Back in the day I did that all the time and thought nothing of it. Hubby asked me if I really wanted to be a doula since I would have to be up all night sometimes. I don't think he appreciated me lolling around on the sofa when I got back!

I have a lot to do to get ready for our beach trip. I have sevaral pounds of zuccini in my fridge that I need to grate and freeze or they will go bad and tons of other produce I need to do something with. Eat maybe!!!

Heading to the pool though when W wakes up. I promised the kids I would "really" get in today so they are giddy with excitment. They think it is so cool when I get my hair fully wet. Goofballs!

yummy- good whole foods recipe

2007-07-17T19:46:00.000-07:00

Made the best meal tonight with some of my fresh butternut squash!

a bit of olive oil
1 small onion
chopped 2 or 3 carrots
chopped 2 potatoes
cubed 1 medium butternut squash - peeled and cubed
32 ozs of broth

Browned the veggies and then simmered in the broth for an hour. Purreed in the blender and poured over tortillini. So yummy! Also would be good without putting in blender and just with the chunks of veggies over brown rice or any type of pasta. W loved it, the other kids were not keen. But hey, what's new?

2007-07-09T12:48:00.000-07:00

You wanna know what chaps my hide?

Preachers that have highlighted hair, capped and whitened teetch and a fake tan. Than taking a glamor shots style photo and putting it on all the church literature.

Seriously, if a preacher needs to look that nice to invite people to his church, then what is the point of going???

What makes me say this...well I live within a few miles of a large megachurch here in the metroplex. Yesterday I got a doorknob flyer inviting my kids to their VBS. On one side of the flyer is the VBS info, the other side is a pic of Mr. Pretty Preacher and his bio. Ummmm, shouldn't the bio be about Jesus? Isn't that what the chuch is about?

And really, if you need a personal sylist before you can preach, I am thinking you are not really an authentic person. Call me odd, but I like authenticity when someone talks about their relationship with Christ.

2007-07-08T18:33:00.000-07:00

I have been reading Perfect Madness, Motherhood in the Age Of Anxiety and I would like to make some comments on the book.

The book makes some good observations about women and motherhood in terms of observing that moms are often perfectionist and competitive in their parenting. I know I see this all the time. Birthday parties are planned like it was the Pope coming over, and that expenive too. I have friends that literally plan birthday parties in the same manner as planning a large wedding. I hope they do it b/c they love that sort of thing, but most of them complain constantly about all the stress in their lives so I do wonder. And usually the parties are at someplace that does most of the work anyway, but my friends are running around sampling cakes...for 2 and 3 year olds!

Even in the AP/crunchy world there is competition about who is more natural etc. ( I think that is one reason I don't like to post much at MDC.)

And so for moms to try to outdo each other (or just keep up!) in terms of parties, scrapbooking, clothes etc for their kids, they need to put the kids in preschool for hours to keep up with all those errands. Not knocking preschool, but I do think it is over used here in the affluent suburbs. Women want a "break" and that is understandable. But what I see as the issue is that in our society the only "break" seems to be getting rid of the kiddos. I wish women could learn to get their break without always having to seperate from the kids.

For example, I do MOPs, which I LOVE. But to go I put my kids in childcare there. I go to church, also put my kids in childcare. I go to ECPTA and also put my kids in childcare. I enjoy all these activities, but what I would really like is some activities where adults and children are at the same place but both are getting needs meet. Does that make sense? I picture in a smaller/older society the women getting together and cooking or quilting. The kids would be playing together and running in to the adults as needed. Mom gets social needs meet as well as practical work done, all without seperating from her children.

To bring all those commments back to the book ...I see the phenomemom that she describes as being caused by not integrating children/families into society, thus putting women in a spot where they are isolated and feel like they have to prove themselves to everyone. If moms are home with kids they are alone, if they are out then the kids are someplace else. That just is not the way it should be. The hemisphere of home and everywhere else should be meshed, not seperate.The whole premise she has that crazy motherhood (including Andrea Yates she claims) is brought about by attachment parenting is absurd. Most moms have never even heard of AP!

And I can tell you when I am out and about I rarely see any other babywearers, so the idea that middle class white Americans are being tortured slowly with slings and baby carriers is absurd. American is not being brought down b/c we are too attached to our little ones.

The monsoon continues

2007-07-02T06:52:00.000-07:00

Let me just pull of my rubber boots and monsoon gear to try to post in my blog. Honestly, I am thinking about seeing if my house can be converted to a foundation of stilts so we don't all drown.

Rained all weekend. Raining today. I wannnnnna goooo to the pool. Summer is not fun when you are stuck inside with torrential rains for two weeks on end. And you live in Texas so you don't expect rain period. End of whine.

Weekend was not bad though. I took the older kiddos to see a play at the Dallas Children's Theatre (Pinkerton). They really seemed to enjoy it, even R sat still and watched. He rarely sits still so that was huge in and of itself. Church was a little crazy. Bean pitched a fit about picking out a dress and R was throwing blocks in SS. But Super B took everyone to the library in the afternoon and let me read for a while. (more on that to come, I have LOTS of comments on the book I am reading, Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety)

A Few Days in the Life...

2007-06-27T11:29:00.000-07:00

Monday...The weekend was great. Except poor W touched the lawn mower's muffler and got a 2nd degree burn on the pad of his thumb. He was so sad, but I think it will be fine. He has not fussed about it since about an hour after it happened. Thank goodness he is not a thumb sucker! He would be out of luck. And as my hubby says, he can lead a life of crime now since he burnt his fingerprint off.

The older kids had swim lessons this morning. They have been so excited. I call it Mormon swimschool and the kids have picked up on that. (I need to break us both of that habit before they say it in front of their teachers. Though, I am not sure if they would be insulted or not.) It is in the backyard pool of a lovely LDS family. They have 8 children and most of them teach swimming in the summer. Most of thier students are also kids from the local LDS church so I usually feel like the only non-Mormon. But I love hanging out there during lessons with all the big families. Except that it makes me covet all the children. I would love to have 8 kids.Anyway, the lessons are great, one on one and the kids learn a lot. Bean was learning the butterfly stroke today. Heck, I can't do a butterfly stroke, though I can't say I feel like I am missing out by not being able to do so.

Thinking about taking the kiddos swimming again when W wakes up. We'll see if I can gather the energy...
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It started to rain again so no pool for us!

So instead of swimming, I shaved R's head into a mohawk. I made it pointy at the back end and now he is telling people he has a knife on his head and trying to poke people. He is such a BOY!!!
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Final thought for the day:
Sweet vision of my crazy man. He feel asleep tonight on our bed in his camo shirt, tough boy mohawk (which he now thinks makes him look like a dragon), but snuggling with a small stuffed animal.

He may be tough on the outside but he is the sweetest guy full of love.

Donuts for Breakfast???

2007-06-27T11:28:00.000-07:00

The weekend! Woo Hoo!Just giving W his morning milk, then it is off to do our weekend plans. Exciting stuff like doing our grocery shopping and mowing the lawn. B and I are going on a date tonight to celebrate our anniversary that was, oh, 3 weeks ago. We will drop the kids off with some friends in our babysitting co-op and then probably go get something to eat and find a place to go for a nice walk. We try to do that once a month or so depending on who is hosting co-op.Our church is doing some cool stuff this week. Instead of going to SS we are having an all church breakfast. I am wondering what they will serve, anything but donuts would be good. Breakfast burritos would be great...but if it is donuts I will be sad (and hungry ) Then afterwards there is going to be a family worship service.And it gets better. The church has rented out a local family swim/water center. We will get to go swim, do the water slides and lazy river. It is only our church there, and we have a fairly small church so no lines and lots of friends there. We all are looking forward to it.W is taking his time nursing this morning, singing and cooing while eating. So cute. But I am ready to go downstairs and eat a pancake that B and the kids just made. I have some apple butter I just made calling my name too...

Arn't They Too Young for This?

2007-06-27T11:25:00.000-07:00

I am babysitting two boys today and I just heard a funny conversation between my 6 YO daughter and the 6YO boy I am watching:

Her- "do you want to come play in the yard with me?"
Him- "no"
Her- "do you want to play?"
Him- "no, I am tired, I want to lay on the couch"
Her- "do you want to sleep with me?"
Him- "sure!"

Made me laugh anyway.
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I suspect if I keep a true journal of my life, I will talk about food a lot. I like to eat and I spend half my time thinking about my next meal or next snack. I have so many friends that don't cook. How can you not cook??? I was in a playgroup once with a woman who ate canned veggies everyday for lunch and she and her family ate at a local Mexican restaurant EVERY night and had for several years. Now don't get me wrong, I love Mexican, but the same place everynight? Not to mention the waste of money. How hard is it to pour some beans in a crock then slap them on a tortilla with some melted cheese?

Tired Yet???

2007-06-27T11:21:00.000-07:00

I am going to take the plunge and give blogging a whirl. There are many good blogs/journals out there, but there are tons of really boring ones too. So if my blog turns out to be boring (and there is a good chance it will given that my life not one of great excitement) then I will stop writing it. I would love to have something to record my days, but even I don't want to fall asleep whilst reviewing my life.

So, time stamp to get started:I am a SAHM in her mid-30's to 3 kiddos, ages 6,4 and 16 months. I am happily married and have been for 11 plus years.