Hanging In the Wind

Watching a few events going on in the periphery of my life has me thinking again about extended families... and how alone my family is. I have a friend whose daughter was in a near drowning accident and I have been following her blog. It is wonderful to read how the extended family rushed in and have moved heaven and earth to help with any and everything. Obviously it is a tragedy for all involved, but everyone is involved. I find myself weeping when I read the blog, not only for Claire but for the love the family has demonstrated to each other and quite pathetically on my part...how jealous I am of that support system.

Then last week the mayor of our town shot herself and her daughter. It is horrible, horrible, horrible. I don't think all the details are known and they will never be understood but basically the father/husband died of cancer two years ago, left them broke and grieving and mom decided to end her life and that of her only child...a 19 year old daughter. There was no other family involved...this mom and daughter went through everything alone and didn't come out the other side.

When I look at my life I have a lot more in common with the situation of having no support. My own mother died when I was a teen and so she will not be flying in to help. My dad remarried a wonderful lady, but she is completely caught up in her own issues to pay much attention to us, and for that matter she insists that my dad stay caught up in her issues too. In many ways I feel like I have lost my dad, and that is a huge loss because my dad is amazing. Thank goodness for my brother and SIL because they would pretty much be the only joining members of Team Pokluda if we needed recruits.

Then there's Super B's family...I believe it's probably best to not speak ill about one's inlaws, however I will just say his dad is in a nursing home and his mom hasn't come to see us in years, mostly because she won't bother to make the drive. Needless to say, they are not going to be coming to anyone's rescue when life makes a sharp turn.

I believe God will provide what we need when we need it, but at the same time, the whole thing with the mayor really has upset me. It seems so unnecessary...where was her family? Then I think, where would my family be? Probably not here. I can't imagine that I would ever, ever, ever shot my child and myself but I also can't imagine going through the grief of losing a spouse alone.

I am picking up valuable lessons in what to do when my kids are grown. These seem like no brainers, but my life experience tells me it must be easier said than done.
1: Never-ever-never put clean carpets before relationships.
2: My DIL/SILs may not like me, but I need to work to make those relationships happen. If bribery is what it takes, so be it.
3: I don't need to live next door (though sounds like a fantastic idea) but I do need to get involved in their lives. even if it is inconvenient and uncomfortable.

Good to be Me

Today was good to be me, and I am going to brag about it, 'cause if you can't brag in your blog, where can you?

A few months ago I doula-ed for a sweet couple. The dad had cancer and was literally days away from having a bone marrow transplant when the couple delivered. He was dealing with the side effects of his chemo treatment and was generally not at the top of his game in terms of his ability to support his wife through birth. To top off the whole cancer thing, toward the end of the labor he got very sick and shortly after the birth (which was fantastic... great OB, great nurse, of course great doula...and most of all mom did an amazing job) he had emergency surgery to remove his appendix. Yowzers.

Anyway, what makes that a cool-to-be--me thing is that I got the sweetest mail today. It was a note in a pretty frame that reads:

Dear M,
Thank you for bringing comfort to me and peace to my husband during the birth of our son. My husband says that hiring you was the best decision we made for our labor. I especially appreciate your guidance throughout and your additional support afterwards, since my husband was unable to be with me. May the Lord bless you for your kindness towards us and continue to bless your ministry as a doula.

How cool is that? I have had a few tough births recently and have been feeling a bit guilty that I was away from my kids a bit more than I prefer (admittedly I prefer not to be away from them at all...). I am still planning to cut back, but receiving this note today really did remind me why I do it and to continue with my commitment to God to leave my doula gigs in his hands and allow him to use me in whatever way as he brings me expectant couples.

Why else is it cool to be me? I have been married to Super B for 14 years today. Yup, he has put up with me that long. We didn't do anything special for our day, we are often lame like that, but our kids were super cute. They made us a full dinner complete with napkins wrapped around our silverware, a table center piece, and name placards for the seating assignments at the "formal" room table. They also composed a special song and dance and gave us coupons to redeem for such things as "we will stop fighting with each other", "sleep in", "no chore day" etc. The dinner was good too, and they really did cook it all start to finish including some chocolate chip crepes for dessert. Oh, and we received a trophy (it looked suspiciously like a soccer trophy won by Reese...) for being the best parents. Not a bad anniversary at all!

LIfe in 200 words

I think the last time I managed to get on this computer to type anything in my blog I was bragging about how Dalton was sleeping so well. Hmmm, that will show me not to brag. Shortly after that post we went through a grueling period of sleeplessness. It seems to have abated quite a bit, but out of fear of starting another season of extreme sleep deprivation, I will say no more about how much better he (we) are doing.

So beyond learning to live on coffee, it really has been a fun few months. Let me recap, not in any particular order (except the lice and head shaving incident, those were sequential).

I turned a year older
kids finished school
Super B finished school (CPA stuff)
Wes started going to speech therapy
big boys had lice (should I admit that on a public blog?)
big boys got heads shaved
I taught a bundle of childbirth classes and attended a bunch of births
D got 2 teeth the day he turned 6 months and 4 more the day he turned 9 months
Ashby had her ballet recital
Ashby read all the Bluebonnet books
Ashby got a perfect score on her TAKS test
Reese's soccer team won 2 games (1 better than last season!)
We all flew to Greenville to celebrate Easter
Dalton learned to sit up, crawl, go up stairs and eat anything and everything
Dalton started solids right after he turned 6 months starting with avocados
I bought 50 avocados at the store b/c they were on sale and Dalton likes them so much

So you can see we have been busy, if not productive.

Summer is now here, kids are out of school, and I am hoping not to melt as Texas summers are not my favorite experience. Lots of fun on tap though for upcoming weeks and I am looking forward to time with kiddos, family vacations as well as doing a lot of VBS hopping.

This apparently is not a season in my life where I get much time to blog. But that is OK because my little guy is growing bigger every day and one day I will be able to blog all the time but I won't have sweet (and sometimes not so sweet...) little ones wanting me to play or hold them. I am not really looking forward to that day!

Dalton got two teeth this week and thanks to a week of mommy/baby sleep bootcamp he is taking regular naps and sleeping better at night. So thankful for that! We were all on the edge of insanity until this week. Nobody... mommies, daddies, babies or their siblings were meant to survive on no sleep. What did boot camp entail? Well, it didn't involve plain 'ole cry it out because I don't like that method...though everyone and their cat told me that is what I needed to do, but it did involve some crying. Instead of just letting him scream, we started a consistent wake time and bed time and the rest fell into place pretty easily. Honestly, it was so easy that I feel like an idiot for just figuring this out on baby #4. We need to have another baby just so I can enjoy a baby that sleeps normally from the get go. Seems instead we have always "disordered" them at about 4 months of age which I have learned is the age parent can start to have an impact, positive or negative, on real sleeping skills. (see Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child for more details.)

Oh, and if anyone notices the day and time that I am posting....yes it is Sunday, and yes I am home skipping church...because Dalton is napping. :) B and the rest of the crew are at church though.

Whole Food Republicans

While catching up on my newspaper reading this morning, I read an editorial in the WSJ that used a new term, to me anyway, that I find appealing...a Whole Food Republican. I generally use the term crunchy conservative to describe my political/lifestyle views but I like this one a lot too even though I don't consider myself a Republican (more of a Libertarian really). However, this term is an ode to the fact that you can be a cloth diping, organic food eating, raw milk drinking, homebirthing, herb swallowing, alternative medicine using, extended breastfeeding, skipping vaxes kind of gal and still be a down with being a conservative and follower of Christ. I think most people equate shopping at Whole Foods, veggie co-ops, leading an environmentally responsible lifestyle, homebirth and herbs as things that line up with being a liberal politically speaking and perhaps leaning New Age religiously speaking. Tree hugging in general definitely seems to be the province of the Left. However, to me, conservatism and these choices go hand and hand. It is all about personal liberty. The less rules the government makes, the more each person can make choices that best suit their family. Big government gets in the way of that process more often than not.

I know others like me exist, I meet them on line all the time. I just don't see them very often in everyday life though and I never see them in the pews next to me at church. I see conservatives for sure, and I see those who are "crunchy" but rarely the combo of the two.(Don't get me wrong, there are lots of very nice folks in my life and church and being crunchy or conservative is NOT *the* thing that makes great friends or great people in general. In fact in the grand scheme of things it is a minor detail.) That being said, it was fantastic to see an article about people like me in the Wall Street Journal. I feel very cool and loved after getting some press!

Life Now

Dalton will be 12 weeks tomorrow. 12 weeks! That is just craziness, it seems like I was just pregnant and rubbing my cute tummy. However it has been the quickest 12 weeks of my life. As I have had what I consider hard babies each previous time, I was expecting life to be really difficult after Dalton arrived. To the contrary, I have either gotten more laid back or he is a laid back guy himself because it has been great! He is so sweet and cute and precious and all those adjectives us moms use to describe our offspring. Best of all, he sleeps! Not all night every night, but for 6 plus hours straight each night. Not too shabby considering my others did not do that until, oh....maybe a year.

We did have a few moments of imperfection. Dalton lost a lot of weight his first weeks of life and I had trouble nursing him which led to even more weight loss. I am proud to say that after LOTS of work and stress on my part, nursing is now going great and he is a chunker, at least compared to those first scrawny days. And I did it all without anything but my mommy milk. He did get many a bottle but he never got any supplements. I do think some of those bottles represented equal parts milk to my tears. Nursing issues immediately post partum are so not fun and I definitely cried as we struggled.

Dalton went on his first plane trip when he was around 8 weeks when we flew home to SC to see my family and for him to meet his great grandmother. Travel is still pretty easy at that age because nursing takes care a multitude of baby woes. He nursed most of the plane ride and was also very accommodating during the visit. He did have some "loud" moments in the 2 hour car drive that was necessitated due to overbooked flights and us not being able to fly into the closest airport to our destination. Nana seemed to think he was pretty cute and everyone thinks he looks just like W.

I had my first after- having-my-baby doula client delivery two weeks ago and that went fantastically. Luckily for all of us it was quick and mom made it look easy (though I know she would most certainly say it was NOT easy!) It is great to be back in the delivery room but after my homebirth I really can't wait to start my midwifery training. It will be hard to put it off the 3 years or more that I want to wait for Dalton to get bigger....and of course I won't stop praying for another little blessing in the mean time (but don't tell Brian just how hard I am praying for that, hehe).

I know there is lots more I could say, but my blogging time is limited right now. Besides, I am pretty sure no one but me will have too much interest in my babbling on and on about my little guy, who by the way just woke up and needs some momma lovin'.

Some random images from labor and birth: