Still Preggers

So this week I will be 40 weeks pregnant. I cannot believe it. All other pregnancies of mine have ended in spontaneous labors around 38 weeks, so this is definitely the longest I have been pregnant. I honestly can't decide if I am happy or sad about this either. On the one hand, being pregnant is gobs easier than dealing with a newborn and generally speaking I like being pregnant. On the other hand, it would be nice to have labor under my belt and I admit that am not the most comfortable I have ever been in my own skin at the moment. Plus I wonder what on earth is the deal with this child being already so different than the others and what other different things do I have to look forward to???

I really want to savor each precious moment of the end of this pregnancy since barring a true miracle bolt of lightening from God, this is it. I will never feel the rumble and tumble of a baby in my belly again. I will never feel the tugging and tightening of a contraction and I won't ever rub the swell of my belly again. I mourn those sensations with a passion I am almost afraid to say out loud for fear of sounding plum crazy. The last week I have enjoyed lots of one on one time with Woo and just relaxed and enjoyed each second of life. I don't do this enough and I am so thankful I have had these "extra" weeks to be lazy and just be in the moment. I have been lazy, indulgent, hungry, napped, and read etc to my heart's desire. I have even tried to keep the house clean and enjoyed the calm a well managed nest brings.

But of course there is a but....But I am nervous about labor. Not scared and not worried about the baby or me. Just the pain. I know, I know, I am a doula and we are supposed to call it rushes and waves blah, blah, blah. Certainly I will use all those types of tools to work through the completely anticipated and purposeful pain of labor, and I do believe that they will work and I won't freak out. But I have all the what ifs in my head as well. What if baby is OP and it takes forever? Will I be OK with a hot compress for days at a time? What if I make a fool out of myself during transition? What if transition lasts forever??? I think some of this fear is based on having seen lots of births and knowing that birth doesn't always follow the route one expects it to take. Which is OK. Birth is normal and my body knows what to do because God designed it for this very task and God has chosen my baby's birth date. But still. So many buts.

So all those buts aside, here are the stats from my last midwife appointment:
weight gain: 27 pounds
tummy measuring- 38.5 weeks
BP- super low as usual
Baby is still ROA
hemoglobin on the low side so I got some bloodwork done Friday, no word back from Donnellyn yet though
Baby's HB- 136

Perhaps this will be my last post until labor (or after baby arrives depending on how things go down). Or maybe I will post again this week about pregnancy. I do love the whole "when is it going to happen" thing!