Watching a few events going on in the periphery of my life has me thinking again about extended families... and how alone my family is. I have a friend whose daughter was in a near drowning accident and I have been following her blog. It is wonderful to read how the extended family rushed in and have moved heaven and earth to help with any and everything. Obviously it is a tragedy for all involved, but everyone is involved. I find myself weeping when I read the blog, not only for Claire but for the love the family has demonstrated to each other and quite pathetically on my part...how jealous I am of that support system.
Then last week the mayor of our town shot herself and her daughter. It is horrible, horrible, horrible. I don't think all the details are known and they will never be understood but basically the father/husband died of cancer two years ago, left them broke and grieving and mom decided to end her life and that of her only child...a 19 year old daughter. There was no other family involved...this mom and daughter went through everything alone and didn't come out the other side.
When I look at my life I have a lot more in common with the situation of having no support. My own mother died when I was a teen and so she will not be flying in to help. My dad remarried a wonderful lady, but she is completely caught up in her own issues to pay much attention to us, and for that matter she insists that my dad stay caught up in her issues too. In many ways I feel like I have lost my dad, and that is a huge loss because my dad is amazing. Thank goodness for my brother and SIL because they would pretty much be the only joining members of Team Pokluda if we needed recruits.
Then there's Super B's family...I believe it's probably best to not speak ill about one's inlaws, however I will just say his dad is in a nursing home and his mom hasn't come to see us in years, mostly because she won't bother to make the drive. Needless to say, they are not going to be coming to anyone's rescue when life makes a sharp turn.
I believe God will provide what we need when we need it, but at the same time, the whole thing with the mayor really has upset me. It seems so unnecessary...where was her family? Then I think, where would my family be? Probably not here. I can't imagine that I would ever, ever, ever shot my child and myself but I also can't imagine going through the grief of losing a spouse alone.
I am picking up valuable lessons in what to do when my kids are grown. These seem like no brainers, but my life experience tells me it must be easier said than done.
1: Never-ever-never put clean carpets before relationships.
2: My DIL/SILs may not like me, but I need to work to make those relationships happen. If bribery is what it takes, so be it.
3: I don't need to live next door (though sounds like a fantastic idea) but I do need to get involved in their lives. even if it is inconvenient and uncomfortable.
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3 comments:
Oh Maria,
You've made me think on the subject of family.....so much more I could and and should be doing.
Amy
Thank you for your words! It really has helped me to stop and think. I just want to reach through my computer and give you a hug, although it might be more productive to just drive to your house and give you one ;-)
I think God does give us what we need when we need it and I know that you were there for our l&d when we needed you the most. I tell everyone that if I had not had my doula, I am quite certain I would have had a c. Although you were not a part of our crazy bunch before that day, we most certainly would consider you 'one of ours' now! ((HUGS))
Krista (and the rest of the gang!)
What you said about getting involved in your grown kids' lives even if it's uncomfortable or inconvenient is so true. Everyone today is so selfish and many people keep their parents/kids out of their lives just because they don't want to make the effort.
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