To conceive or not to conceive?

Super B and I have recently been having lot of talks regarding the possibility of adding another child to our family via birth or adoption. I consider myself a quiverfull wannbe, B less so. We have always grappled with issues of fertility a lot more than other couples since we both have fertility obstacles. For us, it it has never been a matter of sitting back and assuming God will bless us; conception must be more intentional on our part and therefore a matter of frequent prayer as to the hows, whys, whens and ifs.

This weekend my heart was really full of things to talk to God about in the area of babies and birthing. I consider myself QF in the sense that I am open to life and would rather not prevent pregnancy but allow God to bless us with another child if it is his Will. But to be honest that may have less to do with my faith in God than it does my personal desire for a large family and the blessings that come with it. Perhaps if I had a house full of kids and my womb was full more often or more easily, I would think differently. Hard to say since that is not my walk.

After much prayer over the weekend I feel God gave me some insights. I do not claim they are universal or even applicable to any one but me and my family, but I thought I would share.

First I looked at the role of family in the OT and NT.It seems clear that the Israelites and those living under the old covenant certainly were commanded to be fruitful and multiply. During that time God established the family to be his primary institution and the means for building and protecting his people. Quiverfull definitely was expected as a part of that.

In the NT however, Jesus replaces the primacy of the institution of family with the Church, ie. the Body of Christ. Not that he makes family unimportant by any stretch, but that it is beneath the relationship of individuals and the Church with God. Verse after verse show this secondary nature of family. There is the verse where Jesus talks about brothers being torn apart due to following him. In another story someone in the crowd says to Mary, the mother of Christ, that she is blessed to have born and nursed Jesus. Jesus replies that if she doesn't beleive than she may as well have been cursed. This shows another difference from the OT. Jesus explicitly is stating here that Mary's biological connection means nothing to the Kingdom which is in sharp contrast to the OT which stresses genealogy and ancestry,especially through the female's bloodline. Jesus also makes some other comments about serving the poor rather than unbelieving brothers. Basically, Jesus seems to be saying that doing Christ's work is more important than family.

I can't help but think then that some Christians, including married ones, are then called to do his work in ways other than raising children, thus NFP, or other non-chemical birth control, would be permissible. Christ even says such in the beginning of his ministry when he states that it is better to be a eunuch (castrated male thus childless) who follows Christ, than anyone else that doesn't follow Christ. What I don't see him saying is that Christian couples should prevent pregnancy b/c more children might interfer with the lifestyle we desire, our acumulation of wealth, or that each child should be born into a home big enough so everyone gets there own bedroom and college tuition account.

I don't really think that answers one way or the other about individual families having children or how many, but I think it does mean that having children is secondary to a Christian's duty to serve the Church. It also means that our material concerns should be secondary to having children and raising them for the Lord. A Christian doing his duty will definitely mean something different for everyone since our spiritual gifts lie in different areas. But I would think that if the amount of kids you have, or if any special needs a child may have or incur, interfere with using your gifts to serve the Body of Christ, then it would be perfectly Godly to not have more children until such a time when an additional child would not keep you from serving as God calls.

However, I think I do believe that in the absence of such an interference to God's calling, a couple should remain open to life. (an example might be if a couple cannot feed their children and tithe then perhaps they should wait until they can fufill their duty of tithing to have more children) The NT certainly does not negate all the positive language found in the OT concerning the importance of children nor does it change the truth that children are a blessing from the Lord. God may call a couple to a quiverfull/large family lifestyle as their way to serve, however I now can't see QF itself as a universal thing for every Christian couple. It will not be everyone's spiritual gift.

So as I do think that Christians should be open to life unless being called to do other ministry that would preclude more children, I guess what Super B and I have to do is figure out if we are being called somewhere that precludes adding a child to our family. I am not entirely convinced that we really have a handle on where we are being called so mayby that is why this issue really stumps us.

And as for the pregnacy vs. adoption thing, still no clue. I guess I need a few more weekends of praying to get that one all sorted out! And who knows, maybe in the mean time God will surprise is with a little something...