Heartbreaking Doula Experience

It has been a busy week of doulaing. but unfortunately not a great week of doulaing. Without going into too much detail (HIPPA and all that) I did a birth about a week ago that not only included a labor very far from what mom wanted but devastatingly worse than that, it resulted in a baby that I have been told will probably not survive.

Please note that I do not have any medical records from this birth and I am totally writing my thoughts, not factual questions as the medical aspects of all my clients' births are out of my scope of practice. However, I keep wondering if she had not been induced would the baby have lived? If the induction had been done closer to her due date would that have changed things? If the drug cytotec had not been used of if mom's water had not been artificially ruptured would that have made a difference? Or, am I as a doula who has read endless evidence to the fact that inductions bring often unnecessary risk into the birthing process, just biased and this baby was going to end up sick no matter what?

The thing that just makes me want to cry is that after the birth, which ultimately occurred via surgery, mom and baby were brought back to the room and the baby was cute and seemed just as healthy as could be. I helped mom learn to breastfeed then watched happily as the little baby drifted to sleep peacefully on her mom's breast and in her arms. Shortly after, baby still in mom's arms, the baby stopped breathing. As far as I know, those moments in her mom's arms were the only time this tiny, but much loved, human was nourished and cuddled by her mother. No one could have ever guessed that minutes later she would on a machine to keep her alive.

I did another birth, also an induction, a few days later and I will be going to another one any day now. I am sure over time I will be able to process what happened and use the experience to help me be a better doula in all situations. However, right now I just feel heartbreak for this family and I keep seeing the baby's little lips giving butterfly sucks on mom's nipple as she drifted to off to sleep.

Edited update: Baby L passed away about 10 days after her birth. I don't have the full info on why but my understanding is that baby acquired an infection around the time of birth. Since mom had a fever at the time she was admitted for the induction this may have created part of the problem. They may not ever have all the answers and knowing them would not change the sad outcome anyway.