I have been reading Perfect Madness, Motherhood in the Age Of Anxiety and I would like to make some comments on the book.

The book makes some good observations about women and motherhood in terms of observing that moms are often perfectionist and competitive in their parenting. I know I see this all the time. Birthday parties are planned like it was the Pope coming over, and that expenive too. I have friends that literally plan birthday parties in the same manner as planning a large wedding. I hope they do it b/c they love that sort of thing, but most of them complain constantly about all the stress in their lives so I do wonder. And usually the parties are at someplace that does most of the work anyway, but my friends are running around sampling cakes...for 2 and 3 year olds!

Even in the AP/crunchy world there is competition about who is more natural etc. ( I think that is one reason I don't like to post much at MDC.)

And so for moms to try to outdo each other (or just keep up!) in terms of parties, scrapbooking, clothes etc for their kids, they need to put the kids in preschool for hours to keep up with all those errands. Not knocking preschool, but I do think it is over used here in the affluent suburbs. Women want a "break" and that is understandable. But what I see as the issue is that in our society the only "break" seems to be getting rid of the kiddos. I wish women could learn to get their break without always having to seperate from the kids.

For example, I do MOPs, which I LOVE. But to go I put my kids in childcare there. I go to church, also put my kids in childcare. I go to ECPTA and also put my kids in childcare. I enjoy all these activities, but what I would really like is some activities where adults and children are at the same place but both are getting needs meet. Does that make sense? I picture in a smaller/older society the women getting together and cooking or quilting. The kids would be playing together and running in to the adults as needed. Mom gets social needs meet as well as practical work done, all without seperating from her children.

To bring all those commments back to the book ...I see the phenomemom that she describes as being caused by not integrating children/families into society, thus putting women in a spot where they are isolated and feel like they have to prove themselves to everyone. If moms are home with kids they are alone, if they are out then the kids are someplace else. That just is not the way it should be. The hemisphere of home and everywhere else should be meshed, not seperate.The whole premise she has that crazy motherhood (including Andrea Yates she claims) is brought about by attachment parenting is absurd. Most moms have never even heard of AP!

And I can tell you when I am out and about I rarely see any other babywearers, so the idea that middle class white Americans are being tortured slowly with slings and baby carriers is absurd. American is not being brought down b/c we are too attached to our little ones.