Great Editorial

Excerpt from an article in The Journal of Obstetric, Gynecological and Neo Natal Nursing, Published Jan.21, 2009 (bolding is mine, the stuff I really dig!)

...."I was born in the United States and I am very proud to be an American, but I am embarrassed that our country founded on the ideals of individual liberty and freedom, can also support "authoritative" initiatives such as these by the ACOG and AMA, initiatives that are founded on neither science nor an understanding of the physiologic and psychosocial needs of mothers and babies. What is most risky about home birth in the United States is that for most women who desire it there is a scarcity of qualified providers of home birth services. There is no system of care that provides the needed safety net if transfer to a different type of care is required during labor. Rather, women who desire to birth at home sometimes chose providers unwisely, and those who require transfer are often treated with disdain and disregard as though their decision to give birth outside the hospital system is irresponsible, reckless, and perhaps immoral. There is nothing more inhumane or uninformed than this attitude toward women who desire to birth at home and the qualified providers who are willing to attend them.

When will we remember that pregnancy, childbirth, and lactation are normal healthy physiological processes that are a continuum and do not require medical intervention unless there is a medical problem? A woman's body and the physiology of pregnancy, labor, birth, and lactation are designed to promote the well-being of the fetus and newborn. When will we establish optimal outcomes as the goal of health care during the childbearing cycle, rather than attempting to reduce by small increments the incidence of morbidity and mortality that is compounded by the very interventions we use to attempt to avoid such problems? We all know that in our current health care milieu for childbearing women, the protection of normal is not valued or supported, except in a very few locales. Those who support normalcy are usually swimming upstream against a system that treats every laboring woman as a surgical case. The idea that a normal spontaneous birth is by design the best outcome for a healthy woman and her infant is neither believed nor entertained as a basic concept. Most U.S.-trained physicians and sadly most U.S.-trained nurses have minimal experience with normal labor and birth. Without fetal monitors, intravenous lines, infusion pumps, epidurals, pitocin, endless charting, and rules theses individuals are helpless and unskilled to provide the kind of informed human support and wise guidance that a laboring woman needs while the normal process of labor and birth unfolds.

Why do 1% to 2% of U.S. women even want to birth at home? For most it is simply because they sincerely believe that the process is normal and healthy and does not require the environment of an "illness" system to support it. For these women, birth has a unique, earthy, and frequently spiritual component that they want to experience fully under their own terms. They want to actively labor and birth, rather than to have labor happen to them, give over control to a system and people with their own rules, and be delivered of their babies. Some desire home birth because of the subculture of their religious communities, while others are overtly afraid of what may happen to them in the hospital. They may be "on the edge" of the allopathic medical system and be very resistant to interventions that the system thinks are in their best interest. Does this make them wrong? No, it simply means that the system is not meeting their needs for holistic care that supports normalcy. ....

.... The primary danger is that the "system" does not support this choice. To pretend that a normal healthy woman cannot give birth safely without the trappings of a U.S. hospital is not only audacious but also uninformed. Perhaps it is time for a new woman's movement, one that embraces the normalcy of childbirth and puts mothers and babies back on the center stage rather than the system's need to defend the interventionist subculture it has developed and that it must financially support. This system has not improved outcomes for mothers or babies while the cost of care has continued to escalate keeping pace with unnecessary intervention. The recent initiatives of our medical colleagues, the "authorities," simply highlight the painful reality that the "Emperor has no clothes!"

I did it, I got out of bed!

I just have to say, yesterday was one of those days that are a little crazy during the best of times, but seriously un-fun when, like me, you are not living in the best of times. But we are all here and in one piece so I guess the old adage that all's well that ends well still holds true.

Super B went out of town for business which left me the major obstacle of getting my kids to everywhere my kids needed to go, all while trying not to vomit in public. It just so happened that R had a soccer practice, and Bean had a soccer game. The lady who was assigned to bring me food for the day needed to reschedule and I needed to teach the second half of a long overdue childbirth class. (you know you can only put off those childbirth classes so long....) R also upped the ante by losing a tooth, so the tooth fairy also was called upon to make an appearance.

I can't say it was my most graceful day of parenting, but I am happy to say that everyone made it to where they needed to go, the class was taught (and I actually enjoyed myself teaching it), and I only misplaced Woo once at the soccer fields. I could not have done it if Super B had not gone by a local restaurant and bought 3 meals for me to eat during the day. Since I cannot do any cooking I was able to just eat out of my Styrofoam takeout boxes to avoid the extra ickiness that comes with an even slightly empty tummy. When he got back this afternoon, he stopped by from the airport and brought be another meal to help me last until tonight's meal arrives from a friend. What a sweet man....take-out is far better than flowers in my book!

So yay, I did it...but I hope before Super B's next trip I will be fully on the mend!

Attitude Adjustment

I am giving myself an attitude adjustment, and goodness knows it is about time. This change is not just made possible by two consecutive days that have been vomit free, but also because I am sick of my own whining. As my family is all at church, I am also realizing I am not only missing life in general but the fellowship and worship that I need each week (each day really) to feel God's encouragement. This morning while laying around I have been listening to some great praise music and adjusting my attitude.

I AM PREGNANT, I AM NOT DYING. Life is very, very good. Ok, head on correctly again.

So, in these last few weeks of my personal isolation, things have been happening to others in my family. Today is W's third birthday. Hard to believe. What a blessing he has been to our family these last few years. At this stage he is so even tempered and happy. He loves everything and everyone and is just cute, cute, cute. His speech is coming along, though he certainly isn't breaking any records for speech acquisition. He says "love you too" all the time and comes up to hug me. He also started calling people (ok mainly his brother and sister) mean, when they don't cooperate with him, which is a lot of the time.

I admit I am not doing anything for his birthday today, not even a cake. But I won't whine about that, I will just plan to do it in a few weeks when I feel better. He and his three year old cohorts will not mind eating cake a few weeks after the real birthday. In fact, while Wes is a bit slow, I don't think any of his friends can actually distinguish between February and March.

One good day then BOOM

So earlier this week I had a good day. I woke up not feeling an overwhelming urge to vomit, I pleasantly read the paper and then sat out in the sun for a bit. I even talked on the phone and told my friends I thought maybe I had turned the corner.

WRONG. The next two days have been some of the worst I have had and I feel I am back to total dehydration. Just call me raisin girl.

Can I also say that reading the Wall Street Journal each day is not adding to my overall state of mental health? While my life has been reduced to the walls of my bedroom, when I read the paper I am learning that apparently the world outside my four walls is falling apart, and quickly. Seems like life stinks for me and about everyone else in different ways. It is enough to make me dig deeper under my covers and plan to never come out, even if I should one day actually feel normal again. (which I am starting to believe will never happen anyway)

My Nausea Vacation

I have been stubborn, I admit it. My plan is to give birth at home with a midwife. No interventions just me, my baby and my body doing what it is designed for. However, my "beautiful" plan did not include being too sick to interview and choose a midwife in the first trimester, nor did it include a fight with my insurance company. It also did not include a trip to an OB.

So here I am at around 12 weeks, puking my guts up and wishing I were dead, and my husband about to grant me that wish as he is fed up with me not seeing an OB, or midwife for that matter. And you know what he was right. I have always said I will choose to have my pregnancy and birth overseen by the careprovider that I feel can provide the best outcomes for me and the baby. That careprovider is generally speaking a midwife, however, right now I needed some extra help. Super B literally called my old OB and dragged me kicking and screaming into her office.

You would have thought my sweet OB was brandishing a shotgun as she approached me with that sono wand the way I was blubbering and carrying on. It just felt so wrong to be getting a sono, to be naked under a sheet at a place I had not planned on going to this time. Of course then she stuck that wand in and there was my gorgeous baby wiggling away. Tears of another sort started to flow. I can't believe it, I am really pregnant!!!! There is a baby in there! She said the amniotic fluid was OK, so while I need to keep trying to get fluids in, I can avoid a lovely stay at hotel Las Colinas hospital.

She did a short scan, with me trying to keep it shorter. She also did a nuchal thickness test without asking me. At first that made me angry, but it is hard to stay mad when she said it looked great. I would have never gotten that test on my own, I don't do any of the genetic tests with my pregnancies, but ummm, well it is nice to know that for the most part Down Syndrome is not an issue, especially since I am in the magic zone that OB's like to call Advanced Maternal Age (insert scary music). So much for informed consent though.

So onto, the real reason for posting, my nausea vacation. OB wrote me a script for some meds...and I took them. I slept for 12 hours (minus a few quick potty trips) without getting up to puke in the night. I cannot take this drug in the day, since it turns me into a zombie. However, I will be taking nausea vacations every night until I feel better. Do I feel guilty for this. Heck no. LOVE the nausea vacation. Can't wait until tonight when I can pop the next one in.

New goal, midwife hired by 16 weeks.

my really bad life

So, I am pregnant. You would think I would be thrilled after all the whining I have done the past few years about wanting another baby. Alas, I am not thrilled...at least not now. Instead I am ill. Really ill. Since about 7 weeks pregnant I have been unable to eat or drink normally. I constantly feel I am on the verge of throwing up and about half the time I do. Throwing up brings no relief, just the general unpleasantness that throwing up brings. Food has become my arch enemy, nothing sounds or tastes good and I have to force myself to eat anything.

Drinking is even more antagonizing. Just typing the word water is making me dry heave as I type. My battle with drinking started with just the inability to look at, smell or be around water. I was able to drink grapefruit juice and lemonade though so I stayed hydrated. Those quickly become forbidden and then I tried Gatoraide as I had been able to drink that in previous pregnancies. Nope, one sip and my dream of drinking Gatoraide ended. OJ worked for a while but that too no longer stays down. The only thing I can drink now is mint herb tea and I see that relationship ending soon.

Honestly, I am thinking of going into the ER for fluids. My nose is bleeding constantly due to dryness, my lips are chapped and I can barely swallow b/c my mouth is so dry. Not to mention my blood pressure is obviously low since I can no longer stand without starting to faint. Needless to say, I have not left my bed in weeks except for a few brief outings.

So no, I am not at all pleased to be pregnant. My life is a living hell. I am 11 weeks and 3 days today. I hope I can hang on for a few more weeks....

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